JoeC Interviews Himself, Part 1
Tuesday, January 13th, 2009I’m really not that great of an interviewer, so, like, I pilfered/purloined/swiped some questions from CanTeach.com. Off I go…
What would happen if everyone wore the same clothes?
That question truly needs more clarification. If we’re talking about one single outfit, I think it would be a very impractical proposition. The logistics would be a nightmare. We’re talking about an outfit, assuming it’s modeled after what I’m wearing now and the current population, you know…it’d have to be a shirt with 13.4 billion sleeves, and a pair of pants with a near amount of legs (but not exactly; due to recent wars and collateral damage, the number of arms in the world has diverged drastically from the number of legs.)
Back to your question: I think the first decision has to be skirt? Or pants?
Honestly, most females in the Muslim cultures would refuse wearing pants, and I know some Christian men would refuse to wear a skirt, so there’s your impasse. Also consider the diaper-or-no-diaper infant problem, the transatlantic hemline problem, and the Britney-stood-too-close-to-the-candles-and-caught-our-global-shirt-on-wildfire problem.
But, hey, if you still think it’s possible for everybody to wear the same pair of clothes, think about this: during American winter, our collective outfit needs to be thicker in the Northern hemisphere, and thinner in Australia. Vice-versa for American summer. Major advances in nanotechnology will be required, and possibly some breakthroughs in quantum physics — like a good portion of the waking world will probably have to go to work wearing nothing more than clothing probabilities most days.
On the other hand, if by “everyone wore the same clothes” you mean there’s one shirt and one pair of pants between all 6.8 billion of us…that’s just not going to fly either. Even on a much smaller scale, like getting everybody in Jerusalem and the Gaza Strip to share the same shirt and pair of pants — that’s not going to work in 2009. Even on a much, much, much smaller scale, like getting my wife and me to share one single outfit…you know what? Some folks say there are no stupid questions, but you just asked a really stupid question. Congratulations, wiseacre. Next…
Why do you think some people take advantage of others?
Because they were made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-27). Or maybe they just get a kick out of taking things out of context and seeing how far they can twist it.
Or maybe they are fulfilling their role as teachers of great courage and wisdom to the weak and naive.
Or maybe they’re playing Monopoly and that’s the way the maker intended the game be played.
Or maybe they’re scared and desperate and out of options.
Or maybe they have low self-esteem and need a pick-me-up.
Or maybe they’re ignorant, ill-bred clotpoles. Yeah, I think it’s a little bit of all of those.
Do you think it is necessary to have alcohol at a party in order to have a good time?
Well, yeah. I mean, even if 80-something-year-old non-dead Elvis came out of hiding and showed up, or if Marilyn Monroe came out of a time-machine that didn’t transport clothing, or if President Bush walked in with the nukular football and said: “Better late than never…we’ve got every silo and sub aimed at Moscow, and we’re gonna launch ‘em all from your living room. Giddyup!”, even then, it would be a pretty piss-poor party without some jello shooters to loosen up the mood. Ok, maybe if Clint Eastwood and Jack Nicholson were in the room playing Guitar Hero and telling back-in-the-day stories…I guess alcohol wouldn’t be necessary then. But seriously, how the heck are you going to get Nicholson to show up without a kegger?
What would happen if you could fly whenever you wanted? When would you use this ability?
Duhhhhh…like, whenever I wanted. I always thought it would be cool to fly, but only if it was like a Superman levitation thing. If it was like a bee sort of thing where you have to beat your arms a zillion times a second, it just wouldn’t seem that cool anymore, but I still probably wouldn’t turn it down.
What about life do you find extremely hard?
You know what’s hard? I want to give back. I want to do all the things that will make me feel fulfilled. But whenever I do those things, people think it’s a press stunt or something and — !@#$! help me, I just lifted/hooked/filched this answer from a Lindsay Lohan interview. Please, please help me extend her 15 minutes, no matter how hard she pretends to chase privacy :-)



