New Mexican Virus Pandemic
BREAKING NEWS!!! LIVE NOW…
Health officials in Harrisonburg, Virginia are reporting a new and unprecedented outbreak of varicella zoster virus.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), varicella zoster is a disfiguring, highly contagious pathogen. The virus historically attacks young healthy children.
White House: Virus Unstoppable
An anonymous White House staffer admitted early Friday that the number of cases in Harrisonburg is jumping, but cautioned that there is no need to panic. “We do expect additional cases to emerge. There’s really no stopping it unless everybody holds their breath for a month.”
The varicella zoster virus occurs in gorillas and chimpanzees. “This particular outbreak, however, is exhibiting sustained human to human transmission.”
An anonymous person who answered the phone at Atlanta’s Center for Disease Control (CDC) said: “Varicella zoster is often referred to as ‘chicken pox’ but the virus is not transmitted by chickens, nor by eating chickens. Egypt should not kill and burn all their chickens.” Still, the CDC discourages eating raw chicken meat. “You pluck it, and you should cook it, just to be safe.”
Virus May Have Originated in Mexico
Local Harrisonburg residents speculate that the outbreak of varicella roster originated in Mexico. “The first two children to get sick ate at Taco Bell last week.”
WHO officials could not confirm the Mexican link: “We have no evidence to support that theory. The virus may have very well entered the country transmitted by illegal Mexican aliens. If that turns out to be the case, shutting down the border would have prevented this outbreak.”
Obama Administration Blamed
Former Vice President Dick Cheney said Friday morning that the Obama administration “should have already moved swiftly to close our Mexican border.”
Cheney said he believes leaving the border wide open has made Americans less safe. “Make no mistake, every American will get this pox. Obama’s decision is, quite literally, a pox on America.”
The former VP also claimed that “technically, Obama was born in Mexico,” and that “we know Iran has already put a man on the moon.”
Related Articles
This has got me spooked.
I’m going to Liberally (big L) and protectively, coat my respiratory passages against this threat with an ancient Native American herb of the Cuba Libre persuasion. I’m going to alternate that with repeated Liberal oral infusions of a rare French medicinal alambic brandy and then I’m going to finish my innoculatory treatment off with an hour long full body application of some sort of protective flowery smelling lotion and oil thing, by a serious student of the anatomical arts.
If that doesn’t work, I’m going to turn off the television.
NOOOOooo…not the TV. Quick, somebody tell the Masonic Sorcerer elite to get that HR pushed through Congress that requires all sheep to get at least 4 hours of MSM brainwashing per day. :-) Hey, did anybody else see Glen Beck this weekend (I was a TV captive at a relative’s house and politely did not ask to change the channel…), and there was a lady on his show who was upset that her friends had blocked FOX News on their TVs “like it was a pornography channel or something!” Then, she went on to talk about how they were brainwashed by the MSM (I agree with that part) and how FOX News was the ONLY channel that was showing real news (!!!) She obviously hasn’t seen Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch’s War on Journalism, and obviously has lost any objective reasoning ability and has been too brainwashed herself to detect her own brainwashing. But it was pretty funny nevertheless.
Joe did it ever occur to you that a bearded recluse such as Xman who lives in a secluded cabin, high in the Utah mountains, relies on herbal medicine, as well as distilled products imported from a country such as France. may be our prime suspect.
In the 60’s he was able to disguise himself as a flower child and reek havoc with all those war protests.
In 08 he wore an Armani suit as he destroyed Wall Street. And now wearing a sombrero and pretending to be a p[niata salesman is spreading the virus as he travels the country.
I have always said never trust a man who goes hunting for Albanians in California.
Xman you gave yourself away. as we all now you can’t turn off that TV up in the mountains, since you have no power to turn it on. Even the greatest of evil doers are foiled in their attemps. by not paying attention to minor details.
I think you’re right, Pelmo. In fact, the CIA has just found a photograph of Xman taken from a radical recruiting video he left behind in one of his abandoned cabins. In the recruiting video, he’s using the alias Jeremiah Johnson:
We need to build a fence around Harrisonburg. It has nothing to do with the chicken pox. The place just sucks.
Don’t know if it sux or not, Libhomo, but this demographically white conservative city has quietly become the front line in the war on illegal drugs, as witnessed by their upcoming HERB and garden festival and the Mother’s Day POTted plant sale. I agree — before putting up the fence at the Mexican border, for chrissake, fence off Harrisonburg!!! :-)
I really can’t talk about any of that stuff, you guys. I’m still under secrecy agreements, secret handshakes and probably tapped. All I can say is that my adult ADD has been convenient to my profession.
Being a quick study, but quickly bored works out in the revolving door Xman Girl department, too.
That is me in the photo, but notice I’m sitting down in order not to give away that I’m 6′ 3” instead of Redfords 5′ 7″. In the movie I was walking in a lot of deep snow, too…to take those extra inches off. Redford was off being me somewhere.
Well, I have to go…anywhere. I’m getting antsy. I think I’m on loan to the UK next. Going to use the Flying Wing Suit and buzz a Tali camp.
Joe, I’m so disappointed in you. I look forward to reading some independent and insightful thoughts from you and here I find you have lifted your latest blog entry right off of Fox News.
You can do better, young man.
By the way, did you see that the origin of the swine flu is now thought to be in—not Mexico— North Carolina?
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/5/5/728015/-Swine-flu-genes-traced-to-North-Carolina-factory-farm
I wonder if South Carolina governor Mark Sanford will change his mind about accepting federal funds. Border walls are expensive.
Holy Cow–uh, Pig! No, hadn’t seen that yet, Lynne. Thanks for the link. Just read the article, and all I can say is: I bet Mexico wishes they’d closed down their northern border before that filthy pig virus got to them! :-)
Despite you’re dissapointment (hahaha), I’ll probably be lifting a few more stories off of Fox News because lately I’m just more into fiction than reality :-)