JoeC Interviews Himself, Part 1
I’m really not that great of an interviewer, so, like, I pilfered/purloined/swiped some questions from CanTeach.com. Off I go…
What would happen if everyone wore the same clothes?
That question truly needs more clarification. If we’re talking about one single outfit, I think it would be a very impractical proposition. The logistics would be a nightmare. We’re talking about an outfit, assuming it’s modeled after what I’m wearing now and the current population, you know…it’d have to be a shirt with 13.4 billion sleeves, and a pair of pants with a near amount of legs (but not exactly; due to recent wars and collateral damage, the number of arms in the world has diverged drastically from the number of legs.)
Back to your question: I think the first decision has to be skirt? Or pants?
Honestly, most females in the Muslim cultures would refuse wearing pants, and I know some Christian men would refuse to wear a skirt, so there’s your impasse. Also consider the diaper-or-no-diaper infant problem, the transatlantic hemline problem, and the Britney-stood-too-close-to-the-candles-and-caught-our-global-shirt-on-wildfire problem.
But, hey, if you still think it’s possible for everybody to wear the same pair of clothes, think about this: during American winter, our collective outfit needs to be thicker in the Northern hemisphere, and thinner in Australia. Vice-versa for American summer. Major advances in nanotechnology will be required, and possibly some breakthroughs in quantum physics — like a good portion of the waking world will probably have to go to work wearing nothing more than clothing probabilities most days.
On the other hand, if by “everyone wore the same clothes” you mean there’s one shirt and one pair of pants between all 6.8 billion of us…that’s just not going to fly either. Even on a much smaller scale, like getting everybody in Jerusalem and the Gaza Strip to share the same shirt and pair of pants — that’s not going to work in 2009. Even on a much, much, much smaller scale, like getting my wife and me to share one single outfit…you know what? Some folks say there are no stupid questions, but you just asked a really stupid question. Congratulations, wiseacre. Next…
Why do you think some people take advantage of others?
Because they were made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-27). Or maybe they just get a kick out of taking things out of context and seeing how far they can twist it.
Or maybe they are fulfilling their role as teachers of great courage and wisdom to the weak and naive.
Or maybe they’re playing Monopoly and that’s the way the maker intended the game be played.
Or maybe they’re scared and desperate and out of options.
Or maybe they have low self-esteem and need a pick-me-up.
Or maybe they’re ignorant, ill-bred clotpoles. Yeah, I think it’s a little bit of all of those.
Do you think it is necessary to have alcohol at a party in order to have a good time?
Well, yeah. I mean, even if 80-something-year-old non-dead Elvis came out of hiding and showed up, or if Marilyn Monroe came out of a time-machine that didn’t transport clothing, or if President Bush walked in with the nukular football and said: “Better late than never…we’ve got every silo and sub aimed at Moscow, and we’re gonna launch ‘em all from your living room. Giddyup!”, even then, it would be a pretty piss-poor party without some jello shooters to loosen up the mood. Ok, maybe if Clint Eastwood and Jack Nicholson were in the room playing Guitar Hero and telling back-in-the-day stories…I guess alcohol wouldn’t be necessary then. But seriously, how the heck are you going to get Nicholson to show up without a kegger?
What would happen if you could fly whenever you wanted? When would you use this ability?
Duhhhhh…like, whenever I wanted. I always thought it would be cool to fly, but only if it was like a Superman levitation thing. If it was like a bee sort of thing where you have to beat your arms a zillion times a second, it just wouldn’t seem that cool anymore, but I still probably wouldn’t turn it down.
What about life do you find extremely hard?
You know what’s hard? I want to give back. I want to do all the things that will make me feel fulfilled. But whenever I do those things, people think it’s a press stunt or something and — !@#$! help me, I just lifted/hooked/filched this answer from a Lindsay Lohan interview. Please, please help me extend her 15 minutes, no matter how hard she pretends to chase privacy :-)
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Joe now I know why you were getting so close to Xman. You just wanted to get into his stash of home made cigarettes so you could experience the trips he takes.
Xman that must be some really good stuff you have. Must improve with age.
Very funny, Joe.
Why did I think I was reading Napolean Dynamite and his brother argue?
I’ll have to think about this latest offering and see if you were trying to share some nuggets of wisdom. I’m going to give up as soon as I start shaking, though.
btw, the “can teach” link doesn’t work for me.
I’m on IE Beta and even hit “compatability view”, so I think it is at your end.
I would like to be in the room when Clint and Jack are there.
Fixed the link. You can look, but I don’t think there are any nuggets of wisdom in this post…just the late-night rambling aftermath of a case of writer’s block ;-)
Funny, Pelmo.
I was thinking Joe got some of that moldy grain that some say caused the Saelm witch trials.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_and_psychological_explanations_of_bewitchment
But, if you ever drive east along highway 80 in eastern nebraska, iowa, illinois and indiana, ohio, look along the road side at the brush in the fence line. Look for it in the fall. You will see rather tall weedy looking plants with bunches of something at the ends. Those are “buds” dude. There is a LOOOOOT of it. When I was about 22 or so I picked a bud that was almost 12 inches long and as round as my….well, as round as a very large banana.
I threw it on my dash to dry it in the sun and dash heater. Ohhhhh, what an aroma! Unfortunately, it was on a remote side road about 200 miles later when I coined the name of that bush: Ohio No High.
It was pot alright, but from what I have learned since, hemp was an agricultural product in the civil war era…used for fabric, rope, etc. I had hoped they had also used it as a painkiller of sorts, but never found any mention of that.
Now Pelmo, since you keep bring this subject up, I think you might be harboring a secret desire to take a little trip down hippy street. I think you ought to do it. It’s not going to hurt you and it might even be fun…and whats wrong with a little fun?
Xman I did try it once and it did absolutely nothing for me. So now I just stick to a good single malt Scotch.
Your right nothinng wrong with having fun, but mine comes in a bottle and I do love the cask strength one that goes about 116 proof.. One thing I never did as a policeman was lock up someone in possession of some grass that was meant for personal use. It was funny to watch grown ups cry as the evidence would be blown away in the wind as I shook those little bags. With as many bags as my partner and I dumped on the streets of Chicago, we always wondered why it wasn’t growing wild in the streets.
Now I see the problem….
You have to try it about 2 - 4 times before it kicks in. I think it is a cumulative thing.
I stopped using it about 30+ years ago, when it stopped being fun. Pretty much the same with alcohol. It all just got in the way of my sports, thinking and ability to stay on track.
Amateurs.
Funny how, although drugs are illegal, it doesn’t stop the U.S. government from profiting from them. CIA, Ollie North, and the Contras aside, if you don’t think Uncle Sam profits from the drug trade, check out this IRS code:
“Income from illegal activities, such as money from dealing illegal drugs, must be included in your income on form 1040 line 21, or on schedule C-EZ (Form 1040) if from your self employment activity.”
I can’t imagine many crack gang leaders bothering to abide by this code, so it must be there for the CIA spooks routing the Afghanistan opium…
I remember in high school the tax on a $10 bag of Mexican pot was about $100.
Would have liked to be in the room when lawmakers cooked that one up. Probably a sneaky way to wrap up some penny ante little pusher, 8 different ways.
Interesting that cops and lawmakers go after infractions as if they were felonies if regular citizens are involved and not after felonies at all, if you are an out-going Bush official.
I guess you all have read that when the Taliban were in charge, poppy production was 5% of what it is today.
Maybe you also read that El Paso, Texas tried to have a national discussion regarding drug legalization. Heavy pressure from above killed free speech, by threatening to cut off stimulus money if they kept talking about it.
So, if Pelmo ever decides to give herb another shot, he has to expose himself and his family to a violent criminal underworld, just to get it. And what he gets has no quality control or regulation, so that is another way he puts himself at risk.
None of those things would even exist if it were legal…you know, like liquor is now.
Doublespeak has thrown everything into a cocked hat.
We live in an Orwellian world…a nightmare of fear-driven dreams.
You’d think we’d be smarter than to fall for such obvious lies.
I am all for legalizing all illicit drugs. Prohibition never worked and this war on drugs is a complete failure.
I have seen to many policemen killed chasing after penny ante drug dealers. To much of our police resources go toward trying to control it and it is a total failure. Hardened crimials walk the streets since prisons are over crowded with drug users.
If it was sold legally and taxed our homicide rate and police corruption would drop drastically.
Xman a hard game of chess or checkers, or a wild game of crazy eights is not really considered sport. I was really sad when racket ball became passe and it was hard to find a place to play. Did play a lot of softball and only quit two years ago.
I read a report some time ago that 85% of all incarcerated people were in for drug “related” offenses. Meaning besides regular drug shootouts, etc. many stole cars, burglurized homes, etc. for money to buy drugs.
I know Pelmo knows a lot more about the “on the ground” aspect of this subject, but like Indigo says, the power structure of our country seems to live in a parallel universe. A sort of Twighlight Zone universe. They have the facts but can’t see them, some of us see them but can’t change things.
Yeah, haven’t done much sport in the last few years. I guess I should buy a pair of denim cover-alls and get on the porch with my checkerboard. I might enter the Utah Winter Games in Skeleton this year though.
You should have told me you wanted to wear the same outfit. I would have gotten larger snuggle duds. ;)
Xman if I ever told you what silly games these politicians and police brass play, then you would understand why drugs and most gambling is still illegal.
Feeling adventures one weekend, I let myself go and took a wild trip down the bunny hill at a ski lodge. It felt great as the cold wind beat against my face as I topped out at ten mph. I bet you have never tried anything as daring as that.
Pelmo,
I think I hear Joe shouting: Tell me, Tell me!
Sounds like another good post for him.
Cop and Pol corruption.
I think you are funnin’ me on the adventure thing. If I had been a cop, every day I “geared up”, I would have felt I was going on a life threatening adventure. Though, I do suppose you get used to it in a way.
Most of my adventures were all purchased. Lift tickets, entry fees, tank fills, memberships, etc. Not to say I didn’t train.
Might surprise you to know I have an overflowing handfull of various mis-shapen slugs I collected over the years at one place of employment. Nope, never hit, but I think it was because it’s hard to hit a running target.
Did you ever wonder why these headline making raids on bookie shops or mass arrests for drugs are such a rare occurence? It’s done to bullshit the public that law enforcement is hard at work to suppress these activities. If they were really hard at work those incidents would happen with more regularity, and without interference of politicos.
Never did think it was life threatening, instead what new adventure would I run into today. One big thing I learned was, what a big pay off you would get by being nice to people. Every time I gave a nice person a break by not writing a ticket, within the hour I would stop an a–hole that it was such a pleasure to give a ticket to.
As for my skiing adventure, I might have embellished a bit about the speed I reached. I think it was more like five or six miles an hour.
A great-uncle of mine was a cop. I guess he died of old age in the 70’s. I remember asking him about drawing his weapon. I wanted to hear some wild west stories. He told me he never drew his service revolver. He walked a beat. He said if you do things right and get to know your neighborhood, you are more like a parent. You catch things in their early stages and if you act respectful, you get respect.
He was a big, friendly, gruff sort of guy. Never saw him make a personal judgement of anyone.
Taught me to play the bongo’s.
I was lucky to have come on in the early 70’s and there were still some cops like your uncle still around and I learned quite a bit about how to be a good policeman. Back then there were a lot of characters and it was fun to be a policeman.
Now they all want to be super cops with no heart or soul.
Per some of your previous comments, looks like others are recalling trips they took in the sixties. If it walks like a Beatle and talks like a Beatle…some gorgeous psychedelic imagery here:
Fireman - Lovers in a Dream.
Thats how I see it too, Pelmo.
The training is all about overwhelming force and let the courts sort it out.
That they have largely suspended mental testing as part of the application process and give ptsd vets extra points, is one reason why we have so many mistakes now. Cops now days are a tightly wound bunch of guys.
A couple years ago, a truck and a motorcycle crashed on my corner. Paved country road. Truck pulled out of stop and cycle went into his side. Both bike riders died in a real mess.
Anyway, I go out to the corner of my yard to watch. I’m behind my small hedge. I’m just standing there. Not talking to anyone or taking pictures, etc. A big bruiser of a cop tells me to leave the area. I told him politely I was on my lawn. He advanced on me and said some rough things as he did. I retreated as I figured my hedge wasn’t going to stop him. I shot him back the same look he was shooting me…and left. I went into my garage and decided I needed to mow around my corner hedge. The mower I have for rough work has a big rusty hole in the muffler. I put my sunglasses on and made more noise, threw more dust and rocks than that guy probably thought possible. I kept my eye on him and I could tell he kept chewing on whether he ought to get rough or not. I had decided I was going to keep the mower on and between him and me if he came over the hedge. Lucky for me my bluff worked.
I watched the “trip” Joe, but couldn’t hitch a ride. I guess I’m not in the groove. An artist like yourself though, I bet you “got it”.
Joe the video was not available. But way in the past and up to a few years ago I was a always jock. Here in Chicago 16″ softball is a really big thing. No gloves just bare hands are used, and a lot of guys like me play it into our sixty’s.
The macho image is to prevelant in today’s police with those military haircuts and fingerless gloves. Most of todays policemen are heavier armed then our troops in Iraq.
Another good example is when I was working the lock-up one day. Two young officers walked past me carrying several cases of Miller Lite beer. I asked them where they were going with it. They PROUDLY explained to me that it was evidence and that they had caught some teens and had arrested them for under age drinking.
They were totally confused as I tried to explain to them that you don’t lock up under age drinkers. Rather you confiscate the beer, boot them in the ass and send them on their way. Then you immediately proceed to the lock-up where the lock-up keeper places it in the fridge so that it is nice and cold, and may be consumed at the end of the tour of duty. it went right over their heads.