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Top 10 Reasons Wind Power Sucks

Maple Ridge Wind Farm Many Americans are ok with sending their neighbors’ sons and daughters to the Middle East for five years to become paraplegics for oil. But when it starts costing twice as much for us to gas up the half-ton F-150 pickups (35.7 gallons, 15 mpg) we use to pick up caramel macchiatos with whipped cream (440 calories) on the way to our jobs at local cube farms, we’ve had enough; we’re finally ready to embrace renewable energy.

Judging by recent Main Stream Media coverage, the renewable energy of choice is panning out to be…Wind Power!

But, alas, all free folks between the shining seas are not happy. For, in the home of the brave, every silver lining has it’s dark cloud. Without further ado, I give you…the Top 10 Reasons Wind Power Sucks:

10. All those towering turbines spoil the rich people’s view.

Just ask the Whitleys of Erath County, Texas:

Johnny and Tesa Whitley bought 350 acres in rural Erath County to raise horses and enjoy the breathtaking sunsets, but their view is now marred by something they never expected: two dozen wind turbines. The 400-foot-tall turbines tower over trees atop ridges, some just a mile away. At night the structures’ bright red lights blink intermittently, even reflecting in their lake, Tesa Whitley said. “We had a beautiful horizon, and now all we see is turbines,” she said.

When President Kennedy suggested asking not what our country could do for us, but what we could do for our country, I’m sure he didn’t intend things to go so far as having the views of rich people defiled by towers emitting green power. I’m sure what Kennedy meant was for the already no-good view of poor Americans to suffer the dark asthma-producing clouds puffed aloft by another coal power plant, or the giant steam clouds from nuclear cooling towers, or a new six-level parking garage that had to be built downtown to hold all the commuting half-ton F-150 pickups.

At least the Whitley’s only have to see a few dozen windmills poking above the treeline of their 350-acre paradise, and don’t have to wake up to this Parisian eyesore everyday.

And at least they don’t have to suffer the wooden skyscraper that befouls the skyline of Arkhangelsk, Russia.

9. The constant whooshing noise is unbearable.

Ok, maybe the whooshing noise is not as loud as the new expressway the city built on private land that the owner was forced to sell by right of eminent domain so the rich people could drive more F-150s to work. And maybe the whooshing is nothing compared to the airport, or the train that blares down the tracks at 3 AM, or the neighbor’s dogs, and that rooster in the morning, and the birds going haywire chirping at sunrise, and the fugue of seven-year cicadas in the trees, or the disquieting noise of water slapping the damn pebbles in the creek…heck, those wind turbines aren’t even as loud as the crickets chirping that keep me awake all night. Still, I just…can’t…take…the noise.

Hear it for yourself: Windmill Farm Noise

8. Wind farms may kill a few bats in Indiana.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service says it’s not clear what effect wind turbines have on bats; developers must be prepared for at least a few bat collision deaths. The government suggests halting construction on the proposed 62-turbine wind farm in Clayton, as well as the proposed 65-turbine St. Lawrence and 140-turbine Cape Vincent wind farms in Cape Vincent until further studies can be made.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service also suggested halting traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike until the relationship between mosquitoes and windshields can be studied (the study is going to take years, and cost millions of your dollars, and yes, I AM kidding…but not about the bat study.)

7. New wind turbines don’t look as cool as the old ones.

Sure, the old style windmills could only pump water, and the new ones can run several thousand water heaters, stoves, washing machines, and Xbox game consoles. Still, it’d be nice of they’d make the new ones look like the old ones. If the engineers can’t do that, I’d rather invade another country and stick with oil.

6. Did I mention bats might be at risk?

Bats. Yes, bats. If global warming doesn’t get them, giant wind turbines might. (See number 8…)

5. Wind power probably won’t kick start Armageddon

Unless it involves attacking Iran for Israel, wind power will probably never get any real support from the evangelical right:

The Evangelicals have also been jockeying for broadening the present conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan to Iran. Hagee’s CUFI has been zealously pushing the message of “support-Israel-bomb-Iran”, urging Congress to follow suit and has told his followers that a US strike on Tehran may initiate the sequence of apocalyptic events related in Ezekiel 38 and 39. In Jerusalem Countdown he goes so far as to argue that “The coming nuclear showdown with Iran is a certainty”.

Yep…wind power is completely off these people’s radar.

4. Dead bats.

You know…the minority of bats with screwed up sonar systems. Wind power, perhaps, might be dangerous to them. (See number 6…)

3. Wind power might replace weapons manufacturing.

The demand for wind turbines has increased so dramatically that manufacturers like General Electric have up to a $12 billion backlog of ordered wind turbines they have yet to construct and deliver.

Still, the profit margin on wind turbines is only 15% — not nearly the profits from working with an Israeli air force general to cheat the Pentagon out of $30 million dollars while supplying F-16 fighter engines.

2. Wind power makes sense.

Wind power makes a lot of sense. America stopped making sense a long time ago. We don’t do that anymore. We want to sell even bigger pickups, with lower gas mileage. It doesn’t make sense. That’s us. We’re not afraid of the cliff.

Brave? Yes.

Free? You better believe we certainly think we are.

Smart? Uhhh…we’re not even in the top ten anymore.

1. America doesn’t have to invade another country for wind.

This reason alone is going to leave the Military Industrial Complex scratching their fascist heads to come up with other reasons for Americans to part with $400 million per day.

Oh, well…I guess life’s just tough that way ;-).

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This entry was posted on Monday, August 18th, 2008 at 12:03 am and is filed under Politics, Science, Top 10 Lists. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

9 Responses to “Top 10 Reasons Wind Power Sucks”

The Holywriter says:

Monday, August 18, 2008 at 12:42 am

I’m not sure we’ll ever invent a former of power generation that doesn’t have a downside. So we need to figure out what has the least amount of impact.

Reply
Jodi says:

Monday, August 18, 2008 at 9:09 am

I think the wind farms are beautiful. Much more so than those big power plants and those things that look like over-alls

Reply
JoeC says:

Monday, August 18, 2008 at 12:16 pm

Me too, Jodi. I even like them so much I think they should become a symbol of America’s renewed independence, much more so than a new “Freedom Tower” in Manhattan that is over budget, behind schedule, and more of a monument now to our country’s pettiness, fear, and unnavigable bureaucracy.

Of course, I don’t believe wind turbines should be allowed everywhere — that’s what national parks and preserves are for, right? But, I don’t think people have a legit complaint about wind turbines going up next door anymore than they have a legitimate complaint about 747’s flying across their sunset or Wal-Mart’s light pollution ruining their view of a meteor shower — I mean, welcome to the 21st century, folks. There’s 6 billion people on the planet and it’s gonna get crowded if you want your horse ranch within 50 miles of your favorite Starbucks.

Actually, I think in a few years, wind turbines will be a symbol of America’s new independence…independence from foreign oil, and independence from Big Oil. I think one day the sight of a dozen windmills lining a mountain ridge will evoke a similar misty-eyed pride as that experienced when seeing a Bald Eagle, or the Liberty Bell.

Remember how people in Alabama hated the boll weevil? And yet, after the folks there realized it had been the catalyst for their diversity — and independence from the cotton crop — the town of Enterprise erected a monument to the pest. Likewise, I think that one day wind farm haters will likely see the wind turbines from sea to shining sea as more beautiful than ugly.

Heck…some day we may even erect a monument to George Bush because his short-sighted lying incompetence brought America to its knees and in a way made us realize we need to get our own house in order — naaaaaaaa, I take it back; that’ll just never happen. ;-) Maybe in Africa…I still give Dubya props for the aid and assistance he’s funnelled towards Africa, but I don’t think he’ll ever be forgiven in America anymore than Senator Joseph McCarthy has been forgiven.

Reply
pelmo says:

Monday, August 18, 2008 at 3:20 pm

It’s a gorgeous breezy day today by Chicago, and looking around I appear to be the only one who has the windows open and letting nature cool the apartment. I guess it’s a lot easier to push a button and run an air conditioner then to open a few windows.

We probably waste more power then we use in this country. Just look at any large city at night and all those high rise office buildings look like christmas trees as they are all lit up with no one there.

We could build windmills on top of windmills and it wouldn’t be enough for us in this country as we would find new ways to waste it.

I am old enough to have been around when the price of gas first went over 50 cents, then $1, $2, $3 and $4. Each time there was an outcry about improving public transportation, gas mileage and all the other garbage we hear today. Nothing has improved or changed as things have remained the same and maybe have fallen behind.

When the $4 barrier was broken a handfull of people rushed out and purchased hybrids or small gas saving vehicles. But as gas prices fell below $4 there was a quick renewed intrest in SUV’s and trucks.

Your correct about us not being in the top 10 when it comes to smarts. After traveling in Ireland and Lithuania I watched as people got along quite well on half. of what we use here. They didn’t complain and were much happier then we are.

Reply
JoeC says:

Monday, August 18, 2008 at 9:11 pm

I think the majority of the population will always follow the path of least resistance, even down to it being easier to push a button on the thermostat instead of raise a window. High-priced gas is a good incentive to drive a small car. Unfortunately, the businesses who want to keep us consuming are spending more time and money filling our heads with incentives for consuming and fighting than they are filling our heads with incentives to spend less, use less, and seek peaceful resolutions first. Unfortunately, it’s easier to let somebody else think for us than to think for ourselves. Don’t know what the answer to it all is…

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Xman says:

Tuesday, August 19, 2008 at 7:49 am

I think it is a natural thing to take the path of least resistance. Why chop wood, crumple up paper, and strike a match, because you also have to clean out the ashes, wash the glass and vacumn the carpet when you are done. Plus all the pounds you put on with that buttered popcorn in front of it.
I like flipping a switch. I liked the Ogasmatron in Woody Allen’s “Banana’s (?), too. No energy wasted doing dinner, a movie, getting undressed, cleaned up, or phone calls the next morning.
I had a coloscopy a few years ago. Whatever pill they gave me was 8 times better than any other pill or any sex I’d ever had. I’m for a simple pill as soon as it addresses the relationship thing.

On Iran, it’s so much easier to just swallow what we are fed on tv rather than googling a middle east map and finding out that Iran is surrounded by countries that have at least 25 USA military bases in them….you can google a map of USA bases in the middle east too. And then of course, it’s against the path of least resistance to think about how many bases Iran has in countries surrounding the USA….or how many countries Iran has military bases in. Okay, I’ll make it easy Iran: 0, USA well over 1000.

Hey Joe, speaking of “peace”, how come you never show any Paris Hilton or Pam Anderson vids? You know, make love not war.

Oh, it’s all so confusing and it makes my head hurt. But I’m going to get on top of it as soon as I get pumped up on a Quad carmel Machhiato.

Reply
Jodi says:

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 at 6:53 am

Check it out! http://wcbstv.com/cbs2crew/bloomberg.wind.proposal.2.799113.html

Reply
JoeC says:

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 at 11:21 am

Cool! It’s a shame to be wasting all that wind just whistling by. Now, if we could get a good super-fast railway system running between major cities, I think a lot of folks would gladly ditch the cars and planes more.

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libhomo says:

Saturday, August 23, 2008 at 6:01 pm

Maybe they can have wars over what color to paint the windmills.

Reply

Top 10 Reasons Wind Power Sucks

10. All those towering turbines spoil the rich people’s view.

9. The constant whooshing noise is unbearable.

8. Wind farms may kill a few bats in Indiana.

7. New wind turbines don’t look as cool as the old ones.

6. Did I mention bats might be at risk?

5. Wind power probably won’t kick start Armageddon

4. Dead bats.

3. Wind power might replace weapons manufacturing.

2. Wind power makes sense.

1. America doesn’t have to invade another country for wind.

9 Responses to “Top 10 Reasons Wind Power Sucks”

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