Top Ten Reasons Karl Rove Won’t Testify

Karl Rove and George W. BushMonday was the deadline for former Bush advisor Karl Rove to agree to voluntarily testify under oath about his involvement in sending former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman to prison.

Siegelman, the Democratic Governor of Alabama from 1999 through 2003, was convicted in 2006 on corruption charges. But it’s how he got convicted that’s interesting…

While Siegelman was governor, the U.S. Justice Department targeted him with multiple investigations that went on year after year until, finally, a jury convicted Siegelman of bribery. He was then sentenced to seven years in prison.

Recently, Siegelman was released pending appeal while a House Judiciary Committee investigates the matter. The House Judiciary Committee wants to know whether Karl Rove ordered Siegelman targeted for prosecution in order to kill any chance of the Democratic governor from getting re-elected. The committee has asked Karl Rove to testify under oath.

But anonymous sources have cited 10 Reasons why Karl Rove won’t testify…

Top 10 Reasons Karl Rove Won’t Testify Under Oath

10. He doesn’t have to, because after failing to get a degree at the University of Utah, the University of Texas-Austin, and George Mason University in Virginia, he’s going to enroll again at…wait a minute, that’s Top 10 Ways Karl Rove Dodged the Draft

9. If he takes the stand, there’s a hundred percent chance he’ll commit perjury, because Karl Rove can’t open his mouth without telling a lie.

8. Doesn’t want to risk revealing the secret reinforced concrete apartment beneath his basement where he worships a huge cache of Nixon memorabilia.

7. Afraid opposing council “fishing” will expose his addiction to freebasing massive quantities of cheese grits.

6. Rove doesn’t want to admit that it was he who swiped Hillary’s fuchsia pumps with the clear heels, and he’s terrified of having to give them back.

5. Justice can wait; Rove has to attend Mariah’s Six Flags wedding reception first.

4. If it doesn’t involve getting soused and rapping, Rove isn’t interested.

3. Rove doesn’t like the way he looks wearing orange, ankle cuffs, and picking up trash along the highway.

2. 1st Rule: You do not talk about what goes on in Bush Club. 2nd Rule: You do NOT talk about what goes on in Bush Club.

And the number one reason Karl Rove won’t be testifying is…

1. Can’t afford to drive over to the courthouse because the price of gas is so freakin’ high!

[tags]Karl Rove, Governor Don Siegelman, House Judiciary Committee, corruption charges, bribery, Justice Department[/tags]

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