Click the play button below, or watch at this link: Young Hillary Clinton.

Tip of the hat to Roadkill Refugee.

Read More: hillary clinton, election 2008

To say that former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s new book, What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception, drops a few bombshells on George W. Bush is like saying — well, it’s like saying Hitler’s Luftwaffe dropped a few bombshells on Rotterdam.

McClellan’s harsh exposure of the Bush administration and his disclosures about the world at large keep coming, and coming, and coming, often as many as three and four shocking revelations per page. It took an editorial feat worthy of Edward Scissorhands to trim McClellan’s sensational tidbits to a mere list of ten. But I did, and here they are…

Top 10 Suprises in Scott McClellan’s Book

10. George W. Bush lied America into a war with Iraq.

9. The Earth is not flat. It’s round, like Charlie Brown’s head. Even more surprising, the Earth actually travels around the sun!

8. Paris Hilton is not a virgin.

7. Karl Rove is more crooked than most other traitors can even imagine.

6. Only one country in the Middle East has nuclear weapons, and they won’t sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

5. Halliburton is managed by war profiteers and that includes Dick Cheney.

4. On 9/11 the 47-story WTC7 skyscraper was demolished without being hit by a plane.

3. One and one and one is three.

2. The personal sexual fantasy that Lindsey Lohan would be most embarrassed to have divulged is…uh, give me a break. You think Scott McClellan has this information?

And the number one surprise in Scott McClellan’s book…

1. President Bush has always really, really, really liked oil.

Read More: Scott McClellan, George W. Bush, Iraq War, Karl Rove, WMD, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Halliburton, Dick Cheney

As with many American holidays, the original purpose of Memorial Day (to commemorate men and women in the U.S. military who actually got killed in service) has been hijacked by those who’d rather not think too hard about the true origins. That includes me, too.

Like an oyster paints layers of nacre around an irritant it can’t stomach, we Americans have turned Memorial Day into our own pearl by slathering the long weekend with layers of alternate observances that celebrate oil, which, ironically, has been the cause of most of the armed conflicts in which Memorial Day heroes gave their lives.

Happy Oil Appreciation Day

Think about it: over the course of the weekend, do we spend more time focused on our fallen soldiers, or centered on the Indianapolis 500 race — an event where people celebrate 33 cars getting only 2 or 3 miles per gallon for 500 miles? Even after switching to ethanol, it’s become a celebration of using thousands of gallons of corn fuel produced with oil-based fertilizers and oil-guzzling farm machinery.

Then there’s the yearly roll out of the national Click It or Ticket campaign where law enforcement agencies join forces day and night from coast-to-coast to persuade auto passengers to buckle up so that less of them get killed on the highway.

The Click It or Ticket campaign comes at the time when the typical American’s kids get out of school, and parents start their vacation by loading up an SUV, camper, or boat trailer, and setting out on a huge oil-burning splurge — ideally to one of America’s 58 National Parks or hundreds of State Parks where they can teach their offspring all about fresh air and pristine scenic wilderness. Usually, they can also teach their children how to complain about the high price of gasoline, which brings me to the next way oil is appreciated on Memorial Day…

Perhaps most of all, Memorial Day is celebrated by Exxon Mobil Corporation, British Petroleum Corporation, Chevron Corporation, and Saudi Aramco. Year after year, these companies spike gas prices on Memorial Day to take advantage of Americans who refuse to negotiate their traditional celebration of oil. And year after year these corporations have their own celebrations centered around record second-quarter oil profits.

Celebrating Casualties of Wars for Oil

Despite our education based on nationalistic textbooks and popular rumors, the powerful and wealthy elite of the world do not launch wars because of political assassinations, and rarely are they actually suprised by mythic surprise invasions. Wars, in fact, are almost entirely faught over natural resources, and since the discovery of black gold, if you dig beneath the rhetoric of freedom and democracy, you’ll often disclose greed for oil as a root cause of conflict.

Take World War I, for instance. For almost a hundred years now, U.S. textbooks have advertised that WWI started because of the June 28, 1914 assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. But what about the strategic importance of the Baghdad Railway? At a time when Great Britain’s oil-based military ruled the planet, Germany began constructing a railway through — you might have guessed it — oil-rich Iraq. Via this railway, Germany could have established it’s own port on the Persian Gulf and bypassed the British-controlled Suez Canal. Lo and behold, one of the first battles of the war involved British troops attempting to capture Basra, Iraq in November, 1914.

Likewise, U.S. involvement in World War II only began after the U.S. cut off 95% of Japan’s access to oil.

It’s no coincidence that today’s wars against non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction and al Qaeda terrorists are all fought “over there” where there’s a lot of oil and not “over here” where there isn’t much oil anymore.

Have a Poignant Memorial Day!

In light of these thoughts, I have mixed feelings when somebody wishes me “Happy Memorial Day!” Burhanistan has expressed my Memorial Day feelings better than I can articulate them:

If people want to really celebrate properly, there would be parade floats with artful sculptures made out of replicas of shredded limbs, burning villages (cue the smoke machine), filthy VA hospital wards, et cetera. These empty heroes’ marches and Air National Guard flyovers just bolster the lie.

So in this year of war, as President Bush’s golf mates must forgive him for sacrificing golf, I hope you’ll forgive me for striking “happy” from my holiday greeting. I’d suggest that, to show appreciation for all those soldiers who have died to give us oil, the rest of us who live on should, at least for this day, sacrifice using oil. But, since I also know how impossible that would be, instead I will just wish everybody a bittersweet, poignant Memorial Day.

Read More: Memorial Day, War for Oil, Indianapolis 500, oil profits, summer vacation, U.S. National Parks

The largest swimming pool in the world is over a kilometer long.

If you’re going after the Guinness world record for the largest swimming pool, it just got a bit tougher.

In January, the honor was awarded to the swimming pool at the San Alfonso del Mar resort in Algarrobo, Chile. The resort’s pool is a whopping 3,324 feet long and covers an area of 19.77 acres. (Only one problem: The world’s largest pool toy is 5,280 feet long…)

But never mind that. The swimming pool at San Alfonso del Mar is quite impressive, with a 115 foot deep end, and a 66 million gallon capacity. The saltwater lagoon uses a computer-controlled (isn’t everything these days?) filtration system to draw in fresh seawater at one end, then pump it back into the ocean at the other.

The Oldest Swimming Pool

I’m not sure if it’s the absolute oldest, but the bath at Mohenjo-daro in Sind, Pakistan, is pretty ancient. Built around 2600 BC, the pool area was lined with bricks and sealed with tar. It covered a 40 by 20 foot area, and was almost 8 feet deep, so, despite probably being used for religious ceremonies, I’m sure at least one person snuck in a dive at some point back when it still held water.

More Amasnic Pools

• Largest North American Indoor Wave Pool: World Waterpark at the Edmonton Mall in Alberta, Canada.
• Largest Indoor Pool Anywhere: The Neutral Buoyancy Lab where astronauts train in the Sonny Carter Training Center at NASA JSC in Houston holds 6.2 million gallons of H2O.
• Deepest Swimming Pool: Nemo 33 near Brussels, Belgium, is a recreational dive center. The pool there has two large flat-bottomed areas with a depth of 16 and 32 feet, and a large circular pit that goes to a depth of 108 feet.
• Largest US Swimming Pool: San Francisco’s Fleishhacker Pool was the largest swimming pool in the United States from 1925 until it closed in 1971. The pool was 1,000 feet long and 150 feet wide — so large that the lifeguards used kayaks to patrol it.

Swimming Pool Video

Now for some Amasnic video: San Alfonso del Mar Swimming Pool.

Read more Amazing, Orgasmic, and Fantastic Facts: Amasnic Fact Off Archive.

Read More: largest swimming pool, San Alfonso del Mar, Guinness World Record, Algarrobo Chile, NASA JSC, Neutral Buoyancy Lab, Edmonton Mall, World Waterpark, Fleishhacker Pool

Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to read of one hijacker’s magic passport is true. It will bend and twist your mentations, but I assure you of its veracity. Not even the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Speaking of names, there are letters inscribed on this most extraordinary of all passports. Those letters read: “Satam al-Suqami.”

The providential passport was issued to Suqami in Saudi Arabia in August of 1998. Three years later, a stranger handed Suqami’s passport to an NYPD detective on the streets of Manhattan — just moments after American Airlines Flight 11 attempted an unscheduled landing on the 93rd floor of WTC1.

How did this passport — a piece of paper soaked in jet fuel — survive the explosive landing? I give you three theories…

The Official Magic Passport Theory

It’s Tuesday September 11, and Manhattan has just come through three straight days of mid-eighty-degree heatwave. But on this Tuesday, the first kiss of autumn brushes Manhattan on the cheek…perhaps a gift for those with no mornings left.

According to the 9-11 Commission, Suqami uses his magic passport to board Flight 11. He then shoots or stabs Daniel Lewin, a former member of an elite Israeli special-operations unit, before moving into the cabin to get set for Mohamed Atta’s attempted landing on the 93rd floor.

While the ensuing conflagration destroys the plane’s indestructible black boxes, Suqami’s magic passport flies out of his pocket, or luggage, passes through the building, and lands on a sidewalk, barely singed and completely intact.

Ok…not even flat-earthers or Laura Bush still believe this theory anymore. Let’s move along to more likely explanations…

The Planted Evidence Theory

The world’s intelligence agencies know that Suqami has been frequently involved with al-Qaeda. Now, somebody wants to make sure that he and al-Qaeda are identified and blamed for the 9/11 attacks. That particular somebody knows the hijackers’ plans ahead of time. Then, they help let it happen.

And then, they make one of the dumbest, most glaringly stupid mistakes an agent could make. They plant some evidence (the magic passport) that could not possibly exist? I don’t think so…

No, this theory still doesn’t sound right to me. How about one more…

The Ingenious Whistleblower Theory

Somebody involved at some level is watching 9/11 unfold. She has realized that the safety drills and military exercises scheduled for 9/11 will be used to facilitate the WTC and Pentagon attacks. She recognizes the coming events for what they are: an American coup d’etat.

Instead of blowing the whistle and surely being silenced by those who also control the Main Stream Media, she comes up with a better idea: she will plant the most implausible and absurd piece of 9/11 evidence possible.

This evidence is unexpected and unrecognized at first, so it will initially get covered by the media before it can be censored. The magic passport will, by its very existence, denote planted evidence. And because planted evidence of such a nature requires preparation, it will be a beacon of proof to any American who can put two and two together that there was foreknowledge of the events that occurred on that horrible day.

And, thus, she hopes, millions of Americans will figure out what has happened. And she prays that they will rise to action against the criminals who allowed 9/11 to be perpetrated. And she hopes that the people will take their country back.

I’ll bet this person, wherever they are, is still hoping.

Read More: 9/11, magic passport, Satam al-Suqami, American Airlines Flight 11