A 3-day-old, 8-cell embryo created through in vitro fertilization.

There’s a fierce debate in America over the right of mothers to abort their unborn children.

Facts and figures and philosophical speculations are bandied about, but the brassiest argument knocking legal abortion is that it’s all too often used as a convenient form of birth control.

Statistics show that the women who most use abortion as a convenience are poor single uneducated minority women:

Unintended pregnancy rates are substantially higher among women aged 18–24, unmarried (particularly cohabiting) women, low-income women, women who did not complete high school and minority women than among other groups.

Anti-abortion pundits sometimes use a sordid expression when alluding to this demographic: “welfare crack whores.” More about that later…

Life Begins at Conception

Another anti-abortion argument is that life begins at the moment of conception.

As far as science is concerned, life does indeed begin at conception, because at that moment, the conceived becomes an entity with all 46 chromosomes and a complete set of human DNA.

Danger, Will Robinson! Keep in mind…even blood samples, fingernail clippings, and skin cultures are genetically complete, but I dare say, do not constitute “personhood” or harbor human souls.

Crack Whores vs Soccer Moms

While some anti-abortion pundits are quick to point out the splinter in the eyes of welfare crack whores, they don’t talk much about the log in the eyes of another demographic.

On page 200 of Feminist Theory and the Body: A Reader, Jana Sawicki defines this demographic:

At present, in vitro fertilization is available primarily to married, white, upper middle-class women who perceive biological motherhood as very desirable.

As a level-playing-field wannabe-pundit, I’ll give this demographic its own sordid name: “barren soccer moms.”

Welfare crack whores may accidentally create unwanted embryos, but barren soccer moms use in vitro fertilization (IVF) to create unwanted embryos on purpose! Which is worse?

These in vitro fertilizations by barren soccer moms have left behind over 500,000 conceived human lives frozen in fertility clinics. Most of these human embryos will be abandoned, eventually thawed, and in the end — just like the aborted embryos of crack whores — they’ll end up in a medical incinerator or a landfill.

While barren soccer moms point their fingers at welfare crack whores using abortion for convenience, let us all keep in mind the upper middle-class white women who use in vitro fertilization for their own convenience, abusing a medical luxury which often, to save time and money, fertilizes many more eggs than needed — often leaving as many as two dozen unwanted embryos.

These barren soccer moms don’t implant all the conceived human lives they produce, and they use the same excuse as crack whores to justify their action: “What am I going to do with twenty kids? I can’t afford that!” Well, la-te-da! To cop a phrase from many anti-abortion rants, shouldn’t these barren soccer moms “stop and think before they spread their legs” at a fertility clinic?

In acts arguably more irresponsible than those of crack whores, barren soccer moms often leave it up to the staff at fertility clinics to decide how to trash the unwanted human lives they’ve created.

The Cheapness of Human Life

If crack whores should be forced to carry their embryos to term, then upper middle-class soccer moms who “irresponsibly” produce gluts of embryos should be forced to carry each of those human lives to term, too. And, if Americans make abortion a federal crime, then both demographics should face stiff prison sentences for first degree murder of each and every abandoned embryo.

But before our nation punishes mothers as criminals for conveniently killing human embryos in order to advance their own life agenda, I believe we as a nation would have to punish warmongers for conveniently killing innocent human adults out of convenience to advance our collective agenda, and collateral damage should no longer go unpunished. At the least, our laws should not value innocent embryonic life above innocent adult life.

Read More: abortion, pro choice, pro life, frozen embryos, crack whores, soccer moms

A laboratory in Texas has produced a light brighter than sunlight on the surface of the sun.

Prof Todd Ditmire, with help from colleagues at the Texas Center for High-Intensity Laser Science at The University of Texas at Austin, has flipped the switch on the $14 million Texas Petawatt laser. Thank God he had his shades on.

The Texas Petawatt laser is so named because it generates one thousand million million watts of laser power, making it the most powerful laser in the world. While the laser can’t yet destroy an entire planet, I do feel confident that VP Darth Cheney will be arriving to inspect it soon.

The Petawatt laser generates 2,000 times the power output of all the power plants in the United States — but only for a 10th of a trillionth of a second. Still, you can’t just suck that kind of juice out of a typical wall socket. Ditmire explains:

To fire up the Texas laser, electrical charge has to be pumped into twenty 20,000-volt capacitors. These capacitors energize the amplification tubes that pump up the energy of the laser light beam. Each tube contains an amplifying material, usually glass, that is “excited” by lamps powered by the capacitors. Every time the laser passes through one of these sheets of glass it gains more energy.

Ditmire and friends plan to use the laser to create and study matter at temperatures greater than those inside the sun — temperatures so high that gases break down into a soup of particles called a plasma. In the coming months, they will explore atronomical phenomena on a tiny scale, creating tabletop stars, min-supernovas, and studying advanced ideas for creating energy with controlled fusion.

* * *

Read more Amazing, Orgasmic, and Fantastic Facts: Amasnic Fact Off Archive.

Read More: Texas Petawatt Laser, Todd Ditmire, Center for High-Intensity Laser Science, University of Texas, Austin

Wal-Mart recently announced its store brand milk would no longer come from cows treated with artificial growth hormones.

If you’re unfamiliar with growth hormones in your milk, here’s a brief introduction…

This Is Your Milk On Drugs

Bovine Growth Hormone (BGH) is secreted naturally by a cow’s pituitary gland, boosting the cow’s energy and preventing the death of mammary cells.

In 1937, two Russian scientists named Asimov and Krouze discovered that BVH also made lactating cows produce more milk. But, BVH was only available from dead cows in small quantities, so it wasn’t a very profitable option.

Then, along came Monsanto, the multinational biotechnology corporation that has gifted the world with Agent Orange, DDT, Aspartame, and terminator seed technology.

The good folks at Monsanto figured out how to artificially produce BVH — they genetically engineered E. coli!

And thus, dairy farmers began injecting their cows with modified E. coli, and the cows began to produce 10-20% more milk, and because the extra milking caused cow teats to have sores, the farmers started giving all their cows antibiotics to try to prevent the sores, and that’s how greed for profits put a gallon of white pus-filled chemical-laden animal secretion on your grocery’s refrigerator shelf.

Why Drink Milk Anyway?

So, now that Wal-Mart has turned the tide against Monsanto, it looks like BGH tainted milk may be a thing of the past, like cocaine-laced Coca-Cola, or New Coke, or clear Crystal Pepsi for that matter.

But, before we rush to get a cold tall glass of old-fashioned organic milk, should we not ask if organic animal secretion is much healthier than animal secretion from a cow injected with modified E. coli?

Sure, it’s got calcium and vitamin D. But, for crying out loud, it’s also loaded with calories! Do these kids look like they need more calories? Tell them to drink fortified orange juice, or just pop a TUMS if it’s calcium they need.

Yes, I’ll be the first to admit I love cheese, and ice cream, and even the gazillion calorie tall glass of milk flavored with Nestle’s Strawberry Quick. But, I also like potato chips. And the dairy industry’s Got Milk ads make it sound like our lives depend on gulping regular large quantities of white animal secretion. And it’s just not so, anymore than your health depends on munching a tall can of Pringles potato chips with each meal.

The fact is, that until refrigerators were invented, the vast majority of humans in the world didn’t drink much milk. Billions of Asians, Africans, and other cultures STILL drink very little milk. And their health is fine, if not better than the average American. But, another fact is that there’s about 65,000 dairy farmers in the United States, selling $27 billion worth of milk. And spending a few hundred million dollars on generic brainwashing is worth it to keep the gravy train rolling.

But, at least the tide is turning on the hormones.

So, good riddance Monsanto. And good riddance Dairy industry.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I think I’ll grab an ice cream sandwich…

* * *
“The amazingly successful and expensive advertising campaigns of the dairy industry not only got our mothers to feed us formula instead of breast milk, but seem to have convinced us that it is “natural” for people to drink cows’ milk. Nothing could be less natural. No species drinks milk beyond infancy and none consumes the milk of other species.” ~Neal Barnard, M.D.

Read More: milk, bovine growth hormone, Monsanto, Wal-Mart

On April 4, 1968, Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. People hated him for trying to end all forms of discrimination in America. But that hate was nothing compared to the hate shown when he began questioning the war in Vietnam.

Exactly one year before he was killed, he delivered his Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence speech in New York City’s Riverside Church.

A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. On the one hand, we are called to play the Good Samaritan on life’s roadside, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho Road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life’s highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.

It’s pretty amazing — and it’s also a shame — that this speech is over forty freakin’ years old, and yet it’s still so relevant today…

We still have a choice today: nonviolent coexistence or violent coannihilation. We must move past indecision to action. We must find new ways to speak for peace in Vietnam and justice throughout the developing world, a world that borders on our doors. If we do not act, we shall surely be dragged down the long, dark, and shameful corridors of time reserved for those who possess power without compassion, might without morality, and strength without sight.

Now let us begin. Now let us rededicate ourselves to the long and bitter, but beautiful, struggle for a new world. This is the calling of the sons of God, and our brothers wait eagerly for our response. Shall we say the odds are too great? Shall we tell them the struggle is too hard? Will our message be that the forces of American life militate against their arrival as full men, and we send our deepest regrets? Or will there be another message — of longing, of hope, of solidarity with their yearnings, of commitment to their cause, whatever the cost? The choice is ours, and though we might prefer it otherwise, we must choose in this crucial moment of human history.

At the time of this speech, the war had dragged on for 8 years. It would drag on for another 8 years, and an additional 38,000 US soldiers would be killed before the American people persuaded the military-industrial complex to call it quits.

Read and listen to the entire speech: A Time to Break Silence.

Read More: Martin Luther King, Jr., Vietnam War, Iraq War

What is unquestionably the earliest draft of the American Declaration of Independence was discovered last Thursday inside the frame of an old picture that a Philadelphia financial analyst bought for $4 at a flea market in Adamstown, PA.

Two forensic specialists hired by ABC News have independently concluded that the document is indeed the earliest original rough draft known to exist.

Jefferson, Franklin Lacked Writing Skills

“The text in these document am very rough,” said Miriam Newbiggin, an archivist at the John F. Kennedy Library in Boston who was recently shown the document. “It really done brung into question the writings aptitude of Jefferson and Franklin. Both is supposed to be cream of the crop, far as colonial prose writers goes. Now, I wonders.”

The Original Draft Declaration

The original rough draft is printed below in its entirety:

As plain as the nose on the face of King “spend-all-our-money-on-his-empire” George, every hooligan is created equal as the corrupt banker, or cheap tart, or an exciting priest…you get the idea. We should all be free to live our own lives how we want, where we want, with whichever gender we want, smoking and drinking what we want, free from…what’s his name? By George, his name is Hades!

Yes, I’ve said it. Hell hath a name. That name: King George!

I tell you, stable floors are littered with faecal entities more deserving of dignity than George, whose vileseome existence nauseates me beyond compare!

(Note in margin: “Thine hand might tone this down a bit, Tommy. -Benny F.”)

No! King George, I call you out! Bilesome bigot, you brash bragadisme. Your mere existence has for me offered proof there is no God, no hope, no justice and the most miserable future for humankind. Have you any idea how agonisingly juvenile you are? Your head is filled with the dust from the half-dozen or so thoughts you have managed to snare within your lifetime.

(Note in margin: “Replace the entire paragraph, perhaps: ‘George — the compost bin of creation.’ -Benny F.”)

The totality of empire’s warmongering and villainous vampings can be described in just two words: you exist. Believe me, there is no reason on earth why you should. I have sometimes thought that one day righteousness might be restored in the world by some simple act, such as you swallowing your tongue. But alas, I fear you are too busy flapping it in the breeze to ever swallow the horrible truth. To have you enter a room is the social equivalent of walking up to someone with a wet, cold, soiled nappy and slapping it in their face.

The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. Georrrrrrrge! If the single-celled proto-slimes that oozed out of the earth’s ancient muds had any inkling they would give rise to you they would have slid back into the filth from whence they came!!!

(Note in margin: “Good heavens! Does Miss Sally always stroll your home in gift Parisian lingerie?! The kitchen needs me. I shall return briefly. -Benny F.”)

We must, therefore, acquiesce in the…the…necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them…doesn’t make sense does it…as we hold the rest of mankind? Enemies in War, yes, and in Peace Friends. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence blah blah blah Santa Claus, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, our sacred Honor, maybe our gold, but never our hard-brewed ale. Stick it, England!

It’s rumored that Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin were highly indepted to Blue Swami’s Hate Letter Generator.

Read More: April fools day jokes, American Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, King George