Extreme Candidate Makeover: Hillary Clinton
You can tell a lot about a candidate by the way she runs her presidential campaign. Presumably, she’ll run the country the same way if she’s elected president.
In Hillary’s case, that means good and bad news.
First, the bad news: Hillary’s campaign is running up more debt. If she becomes president, that’s very bad news since the United States is already in the hole over $9 trillion.
The good news is that even under overwhelming odds, Hillary will never say die — even when others like Slate magazine begin holding a Hillary Clinton Nomination Death Watch.
But, as if to prove she intends to steer her campaign’s ship all the way to the ocean floor, Hillary has come to Extreme Candidate Makeover to give her a boost.
10 Reasons Why Hillary Won’t Quit
While Extreme Candidate Makeover obliged Ms. Hillary with some new looks (see the awesome results to the right…), she divulged to the makeup artist 10 Reasons Hillary Won’t Quit:
10. She needs to stay in the race to get a definitive list of traitorous super-delegates to pass on to her post-election hitmen.
9. Although she has already misspoke about dodging snipers in Bosnia, there are still many more things she wishes to misspeak about.
8. If John McCain can claim Vladimir Putin is the president of Germany and still find support in America, Hillary’s got a heckuva chance, too.
7. Hillary’s campaign is the premier fight against discrimination in America, and everybody knows she’s twice as much female as Barack Obama is black.
6. Because somebody has to answer the phone to accept the nomination, and if that call comes at 3 AM she has vowed to answer it better than Obama.
5. Americans let George W. Bush in the White House twice. They clearly want a lying malignant narcissist as their leader. Hillary fits the bill!
4. To quote Hillary: “As God is my witness, they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll get to start my own no-good war and land on an aircraft carrier in my own flight suit. And Rhett…I mean Billy Jefferson, too. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, one day I’ll be the one declaring Mission Accomplished!”
3. “The thought of Monica Lewinsky and cigars still make me feel very insecure. I believe getting elected leader of the free world, getting to carry — maybe even use — the nuclear football…yes, I believe that will alleviate most, if not all, of my insecurities. And fixing my insecurities…that’s worth so much more, to me, than the health of the Democratic party or the greater course of human civilization.”
2. Because she’s already made the deal with Diebold, and paid them more than John McCain, so it should definitely be her in the general election.
And the number one reason Hillary won’t quit…
1. If she doesn’t become president, at the end of the day she’ll have to store all her shoes in Bill’s library.
Don’t forget to catch Extreme Candidate Makeover: John McCain.
Read More: Hillary Clinton, extreme makeover, 2008 election, candidates, style finder
Related Articles
But you do have to give her an A+ for her effort. She has taken a lot of punches, but still keeps coming back round after round and scoring a few points on her own. Never know, I have seen a few punch drunk fighters land a knock out once in a while and win a fight.
I’m torn between the curly hair and the longer hair. Although, I don’t think either style will make the public take her serious. I definately think the hat makes her look more intelligent.
Pelmo: I’ll give her an A+ for effort. In all seriousness, she is a very intelligent lady, and although I’m not pulling for her, I think she would be stupid to quit now. There is still plenty of time for an unforeseen scandalous bomb to drop on the Obama camp that could put Hillary on top.
The whole “Is Hillary going to quit” thing does annoy me a bit. Think about it this way: During college basketball’s Final Four, if one of the teams gets down 20 points with only a few minutes to go, you don’t hear everybody start begging them to quit so the winning team can save their legs for the next game. Likewise, I think we have to admire and respect Hillary for hanging in there till the whistle blows. But, I guess this page is more about poking fun at all the politicians who would rule the world, not so much about respecting them. I’ll be the first to admit I have a huge log in my own eye…
Jodi: I like the mussed-up red do with the red shades. Not presidential, but it’s my favorite, maybe because it looks so unlike the normal Hillary.
I thought she looked kind of like Annette Benning in that picture, only not as pretty. Since there was absolutely no way in the world Hillary would ever be as pretty as Annette, I decided not to comment on it. :)
I like the rim glasses of the curly haired picture combined with the jester’s hat in the last picture. To me that would fit her perfectly.
It’ll look good on her Joker card in the “55 Most Wanted” U.S. Regime Change playing card deck, too. ;-)