US Soldier Throws Puppy Off Cliff
Yesterday, after being confronted with this disturbing video of a US soldier throwing a puppy off a cliff, the White House responded with a confidential letter to PETA.
UPDATE: YouTube took down the video; Glumbert has it here.
The letter, drafted by military lawyers and signed by George W. Bush, emphasized the “military necessity” of throwing puppies off high elevations because of the act’s “significant intelligence value,” and that puppies that posed security risks could legally be treated differently from ordinary puppies.
Bush administration officials also insisted that there were “clear procedures governing the throwing of puppies to ensure approaches do not amount to inhumane treatment.”
I cannot print the response from PETA, but, after PETA responded to the letter, the White House offered these…
Top 10 Reasons US Soldier Threw Puppy Off A Cliff
10. The puppy, after being repeatedly warned, failed to stop at a checkpoint.
9. After proving the Geneva convention doesn’t apply to security detainees, or to American citizens, or to anybody else the Pentagon secretly kidnaps, we also want to prove it doesn’t apply to puppies, because who knows when we’ll need to torture a puppy to save the lives of you, your friends, and your family?
8. The Pentagon has analyzed the video, and what appears to be a puppy is, in fact, a weather balloon.
7. These puppies don’t believe in freedoms, and they don’t believe in bitches having equal status. And if another puppy dares express an opinion that doesn’t mesh with theirs, it gets barked at in the public square or bitten. These are brutal puppies. That’s the vision that these puppies have for the world.
6. God told the soldier to throw the puppy off the cliff, and so…you know, like, the soldier threw the puppy off the cliff.
5. The White House can’t comment on any puppy in Iraq because that would expose national security secrets. However, the White House would like to assure you that the world is more peaceful, and America is safer, because that puppy was put in the air.
4. Charges against the soldier have been dismissed. He was exercising his constitutional rights in a free puppy-throwing zone.
3. Some people see a soldier throwing a puppy off a cliff; others see a soldier liberating a puppy from gravity. Someday, when Iraqi puppies decide to step up and grow wings and fight for their own freedom from gravity, our troops won’t have to throw them off a cliff.
2. Very reliable intelligence sources have confirmed the puppy was improvised to explode and manufactured in Iran.
And the number one reason a US soldier threw a puppy off a cliff?
1. Who cares? It was an Iraqi puppy, not an American puppy!
Read More: Iraq, war on terror, torture, Bush, military, PETA, animal rights
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March 4th, 2008 at 9:34 am
This is a disgrace! It’s people like this that give America a bad name. Sign this petitionSign this petition I found so we can let everyone know that we won’t stand for this kind of animal abuse!
March 4th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Great post. The correct answer is #1. The other 9 are pounded into us on a daily basis to justify the real reason. And sad to say many fall prey to those other nine, and believe it.
Did I make any sense on this one? I guess what I am trying to say is, a pig is a pig, no matter how you dress it up.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Pelmo: You made perfect sense, and I agree. If #1 wasn’t so true, we wouldn’t need all the other excuses to explain doing what’s being done by our representative (?) government.
On a side note, war is hell, and I think too many people are blaming the soldier instead of blaming themselves for allowing him to be sent to fight a war for corporate spoils. We trained them to be killers, and we celebrated our troops for being killers, and we bragged about shock and awing collateral human damage on live TV…so, should the country get so upset over the death of a freakin’ puppy? Yes, we should…but there is so much more our country should be upset about than that puppy…there’s the irony, in my opinion.
March 6th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
How dare you.
Don’t make light of a situation like this. That puppy never had a chance to live, it could not have been more then 2 months old.
If you don’t care, so be it, but don’t make jokes you bastard.
March 6th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Zach: Sometimes things are so FUBAR, all you can do is make a joke. Bill Hicks, Mark Twain, and others discovered that humans will listen to jokes and then think deeply about subjects and events they would otherwise totally ignore. I made a joke of this because I think it should not get ignored, not to disrespect anybody. Peace and love.