US Soldier Throws Puppy Off Cliff
Yesterday, after being confronted with this disturbing video of a US soldier throwing a puppy off a cliff, the White House responded with a confidential letter to PETA.
UPDATE: YouTube took down the video; Glumbert has it here.
The letter, drafted by military lawyers and signed by George W. Bush, emphasized the “military necessity” of throwing puppies off high elevations because of the act’s “significant intelligence value,” and that puppies that posed security risks could legally be treated differently from ordinary puppies.
Bush administration officials also insisted that there were “clear procedures governing the throwing of puppies to ensure approaches do not amount to inhumane treatment.”
I cannot print the response from PETA, but, after PETA responded to the letter, the White House offered these…
Top 10 Reasons US Soldier Threw Puppy Off A Cliff
10. The puppy, after being repeatedly warned, failed to stop at a checkpoint.
9. After proving the Geneva convention doesn’t apply to security detainees, or to American citizens, or to anybody else the Pentagon secretly kidnaps, we also want to prove it doesn’t apply to puppies, because who knows when we’ll need to torture a puppy to save the lives of you, your friends, and your family?
8. The Pentagon has analyzed the video, and what appears to be a puppy is, in fact, a weather balloon.
7. These puppies don’t believe in freedoms, and they don’t believe in bitches having equal status. And if another puppy dares express an opinion that doesn’t mesh with theirs, it gets barked at in the public square or bitten. These are brutal puppies. That’s the vision that these puppies have for the world.
6. God told the soldier to throw the puppy off the cliff, and so…you know, like, the soldier threw the puppy off the cliff.
5. The White House can’t comment on any puppy in Iraq because that would expose national security secrets. However, the White House would like to assure you that the world is more peaceful, and America is safer, because that puppy was put in the air.
4. Charges against the soldier have been dismissed. He was exercising his constitutional rights in a free puppy-throwing zone.
3. Some people see a soldier throwing a puppy off a cliff; others see a soldier liberating a puppy from gravity. Someday, when Iraqi puppies decide to step up and grow wings and fight for their own freedom from gravity, our troops won’t have to throw them off a cliff.
2. Very reliable intelligence sources have confirmed the puppy was improvised to explode and manufactured in Iran.
And the number one reason a US soldier threw a puppy off a cliff?
1. Who cares? It was an Iraqi puppy, not an American puppy!
Read More: Iraq, war on terror, torture, Bush, military, PETA, animal rights
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