Extreme Candidate Makeover: John McCain
All you need do is look through the money in your pocket to realize that U.S. Presidents before our time had more style.
They wore wigs, top hats, fancy stockings, and impressive moustache-beard-mutton-chop combos.
In contrast, today’s candidates attempt to look like Ken Carson (Barbie’s ex boyfriend) dressed in tiresome 1980’s IBM employee attire, and that includes Hillary, too.
It’s time for that to change, and today, we’re starting with McCain…
Grow Some Hair!
The first makeover recomendation for McCain is to get rid of that white patch of dried combover scalp.
Sure, this is going to drastically reduce the amount of sunlight reflected back into space. Yes, that means it’s going to contribute to global warming. But really, which is worse?
Grow some hair, dude!
Chasing Robert Plant
Some of us need fewer baby steps than others, and I think McCain will feel comfortable wearing hair right off the bat.
I’m also positive McCain is a “more is always better” kind of guy (witness his cheerleading for The Surge in Iraq.)
With those observations in pocket, the logic is irrefutable: McCain could enter his 80s Heavy Metal Hair stage in no time flat.
Toning Down His Rock Star
Eventually, bomb-bomb-bomb-Iran McCain will settle down and enjoy his new locks in a more mature, but still less than one-foot-in-the-grave, rock doo.
I’d suggest he add some shades, too, which will prevent all those candid red-eye and caught-in-mid-blink fan shots.
Now, THIS is the McCain corporate America would love to see exterminate the middle class!
White House Glamour
If fate, uninformed voters, and the crooks at Diebold put McCain in the White House, he should consider throwing caution to the wind on Inauguration Day.
I’d suggest something very up, a little down, and a lot more blond.
This look will serve McCain well through state dinners, gala receptions, and holiday greeting card photos…all the way through his second term when he turns 102.
Coming up…
Stay tuned and watch Hillary’s new moustache turn heads. It’s coming your way on the next episode of…Extreme Candidate Makeover!
Read More: John McCain, makeover, candidates, style
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February 8th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Keep in mind, even tho they are gray, I have quite a few hairs above the upper lip. So I expect a little respect for the mustache. So be very very carefull at how you use your sense of humor with that patch of hair.
On this one I vote the sun glassed surfer look.
February 9th, 2008 at 6:47 am
That one’s my favorite too, Pelmo!
March 31st, 2008 at 12:31 am
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