Top 10 Reasons Karl Rove Resigned

Karl Christian Rove10. Wants to high-tail it to Dubai before his upcoming dirty bomb false flag operation clogs America with radioactive SUVs and riot police.

9. After the 2006 election, Bush told Rove he might be more helpful botching somebody’s Democratic campaign.

8. Wants to finally get his college degree, which he failed to earn while dodging the draft at a parade of colleges between 1969 and 1973.

7. Further convinced the answer to all is WAR, Rove is secretly relocating to New Orlean’s Ninth Ward, refurbishing a gutted house with a surface-to-air rocket launcher, stocking scores of Depleted Uranium warheads, and preparing to launch a preemptive attack against the next tropical storm that threatens to become a hurricane.

6. Needs time off to help produce TV advertisements for the burgeoning Swift Boat Veterans for Unlikely Whoppers and Sanctimonious Hypocrisy group.

5. After blowing the cover of agent Valerie Plame, Rove is entirely swamped with urgent requests to betray more CIA agents with husbands who tell the truth.

4. Rove is unable to continue functioning after discovering that his biological father had another son…that Don Siegelman, the Alabama governor Rove put in prison, is…actually…HIS OWN STEPBROTHER!!! AIGHHHHH!

3. After firing every last attorney in Washington, Rove wants to let somebody else get a shot.

2. Fell prey to Hillary Clinton’s covert operation, RapRove, whose players posed as hip-hop talent scounts and convinced Rove to pursue his non-talent in the music industry.

And the number one reason Karl Rove resigned:

1. After years advising Bush, just got tired of propping up a second-rate boneheaded dictator.

[tags]Karl Rove, Resignation[/tags]

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5 Responses to Top 10 Reasons Karl Rove Resigned

  1. pelmo says:

    Could this be another sacraficial lamb, used as a smoke screen, to divert our attention away from all that stench in Washington involving both parties.

  2. JoeC says:

    I think Cheney got Rove sent home. Rove has been scrapping for 30-some-odd years to claw his way to where he was at — the top advisor to the President of the USA — so I just can’t fathom he’d voluntarily go home a single year early. That’s just baloney.

    Nope, I think Cheney was pissed that Rove didn’t come through on the 2006 election, and Cheney may have been ill how all the blame for Plamegate fall on his man Libby, while Dubya’s pal Rove walked away. AND on top of that, all things being well-timed for reasons we don’t know, as you suggest…if Rove’s resignation wasn’t predesigned to be a smokescreen, it’ll certainly be recognized as an opportune smokescreen…the Bushco bunch rarely pass up a good opportunity to commit mischief while America looks the other way.

  3. Even after all the egregious specifics, the thing that turns my stomach most is the way Rove (and his ilk) has turned the whole process into a shameless power struggle. A game. And campaigns have become an insidious industry soaking up so much oxygen. Meanwhile, matters of substance are neglected. Principled ideals no longer motivate the process in the slightest.

    Rove is nothing if not calculating, and this seems a calculated move to dodge the heat, cool off, and re-emerge for his $memoir$ payday while there is still some semblance of relevance.

    It would be too much to hope for that this scumbag would fade from the scene entirely. He’ll probably work for one of the candidates, all too soon.

  4. Brent says:

    I want politics to go back to be an exchange of ideas, not a fucking Bloodsport that Karl Rove wants it to be.

  5. Xman says:

    Was listening to Democracy Now a couple days ago. If memory serves, the guest felt there was one chief reason Rove was leaving: To get started on writing the history of the Bush presidency the way they want it remembered. This includes books, speeches and re-energizing the right with “constructive” new programs for republican domination in the new century. The demoralized right needs to be brought back into the fold and Rove is going to be the head cheerleader as he was for Bush. Nothing is going to change as far as who is really running the Republicans. The New World Order vision is still clear and I’m sure they feel they will be rewarded with the American equilvalent of the 77 virgins that seem to motivate another well known sect of the extremist species.
    I expect the corporate hold of the media to tighten even further. Hey, if a parrot can only repeat what he hears, then that is all he “knows”.
    Beware The Birds!

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