Iraqi PM al-Maliki Consults Miss Manners
On Saturday, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki declared the USA free to return home to its imperial base amidst amber waves of grain between two shining seas. And yet, a full 24 hours later, US troops remained…surging on top of their killer treadmill to nowhere in Iraq.
Judging by the following letter from al-Maliki, it would appear he’s all but reached the end of his rope…
Dear Miss Manners –
Is there any polite way to ask guests to leave once the host feels the party needs to end?
We Iraqi people are a hospitable people. We opened our home in 2003 to planes brimming with various armies, war profiteers, and covert operatives pretending to be al-Qaeda, etc. I humbly admit that Baghdad’s golden domes and minarets are a sight to see beneath the summer’s starry sky, and my fellow countrymen made a sincere effort to provide our guests with a palace fit for a president. But the Americans felt so comfortable and at home, they quickly claimed 104 acres of Tigris riverfront property and began building a horrific concrete fortress monstrosity there — what we Iraqis are now referring to as the Super Wal-Mart Embassy.
I understand when you host a party with fireworks, the guests are expected to stay a few hours. However, I feel that these neocon guests that invaded our home have more than overstayed their welcome. They even invited their exuberant friends from England, Australia, Denmark, and Poland, and told them it was ok to bring weapons and fill their tanks with all the oil their hearts desired! And now, everyone seems to love our home and they act like they never want to leave.
After three to four years of visiting, I am dropping subtle (and not so subtle) hints that it is getting late and we need things to end. I make sure the street crews are seen washing up the blood and packing the loose limbs and guts into graves. My staff members have made comments of “Gee, it is getting late and we need to get back to work putting food in the market and restoring electricity and running water.” I’ve made announcements such as “All the doctors and dentists and professors that haven’t been murdered need to come back from their refugee camps in Syria.”
But nothing seems to work.
My comments are pretty much ignored. The guests always want just one more “shock and awe.” They keep lustily staring at our oil wells. They keep filling our streets with rubble containing radioactive depleted uranium dust.
Am I unreasonable in expecting parties to end after a four-year time frame? Is there a kind way to ask the occupation to leave, or should my countrymen and I give up throwing parties altogether?
Occupied by a Fascist Chimp,
Baghdad, Iraq
Gentle Puppet Leader –
Please don’t give up being genial and welcoming to foreigners. So few democracies do it now, it has become quite acceptable to deport and fence away any huddled mass yearning to breathe free.
The least subtle way to get rid of loutish guests that is still polite is to say goodbye to them. You stand up, approach their Main Stream Media, and say, “It was wonderful having you blow the living hell out of Iraq. We must do this soon again.”
Miss Manners recommends remembering that you live there, and no matter how badly another country wants to play army in your backyard, only you have the right to grant participation in your own civil war.
If Chimps and Rovers protest, just look at them regretfully and say “Sorry,” as you close the door.
Read More: Iraq War, occupation, Nouri al-Maliki, George W. Bush, Miss Manners, humor
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We have tried everything else, maybe just maybe leaving might work. Just like with little kids, it is amazing how much they can do on their owen when no one is proding them to do somehing. Just like teaching them to walk or ride a bike. All that work and nothing happens. The minute you turn your back, here they are walking and riding, like they been doing it all their lives.
You said it, Pete. I also think the Iraqis doubt the effectiveness of the security tactics they’re being taught. Ever have somebody tell you how to do something, and you know full well it won’t work, and you have a better plan but they won’t listen, but they won’t leave you alone, either?
I also believe that, although Bush is publicly against the pull-out so as to uphold his stay-the-course never-give-up image, he’s very privately allowing the wheels to go in motion now. First, because now that the new Iraqi government has signed a pact with Shell, Exxon, BP to let them profit from the oil, Bush has got what he wants from Iraq and could care less how the country falls apart now…as long as it’s stable enough for the oil to flow. And second, all is set to strike Iran…the Kurds we supplied with weapons have already set the war in motion, the fleets are in position…and now we need to shift all those troops from Baghdad to head toward the Iranian border…so, I think a coming “forced” pullout may suit Bush and the neocons just fine, though they will continue to put up a faux argument against it to look consistent and distract us while the missiles are reprogrammed to targets in Tehran.
Joe, you should post that last paragraph in your comment. That’s exactly what’s coming.
I’m just speechless.
I hope you are wrong, but the seeds have been planted and even congress and some of our presidential candidates are hinting that an attack against Iran could be a possibility, so it should not come as a surprise when it does happen. Just like kids with a cookie jar, they just can’t keep their hands out of the Middle East.
I hope I’m wrong, too…
However…it sure ain’t looking good: Next We Take Tehran.
The people saying leaving would be disastrous are the same who said going in would be a cakewalk. Who listens to these people?
I think they are in their own last throes, and are just desperately trying to run out the clock on their disastrous tenure.
No, it doesn’t look good and Cheney is pushing Bush for another NeoCon war!
As goes Israel, so go the Bozos (us).
Anyone feel like they are living life on a spinning yo-yo?
Constantly, Xman…
constantly.
I thought after Vietnam and Nixon we were home free from repeating those lessons again, but the botched-war-for-profit yo-yo is zinging along pretty well.