Top 10 Surprises in Cheney’s Visitor Logs
On September 13, 2006, a lawyer for the Vice President demanded that Dick Cheney’s visitor logs be destroyed. The demand was sent to the Secret Service after the Washington Post made a Freedom of Information Act request to find out who had been visiting Darth Cheney’s official residence.
Even though logs have unlawfully been destroyed, copies have surfaced! And so, here’s the…
Top 10 Surprises in Cheney’s Visitor Logs:
10. Adolf Hitler is still alive and kicking at 118, and often drops by to give Cheney advice and a blood transfusion.
9. The logs contain hundreds of entries with no names, simply signed “hookers, hookers, and more hookers!”
8. Fidel Castro made several clandestine visits late last August, but only stayed long enough to sober up frequent traveling companions Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.
7. On more than one occasion Cheney rode home with Paris Hilton, who often drove Cheney’s Jaguar XKR to ensure the VP avoided a third DUI.
6. Cheney left the residence every first and third Friday night of the month — the same nights wife Lynne scheduled strip-poker parties with Al and Tipper Gore.
5. Logs reveal only one shotgun salesperson visited during the entire year, compared with 126 traveling bra and garter set representatives.
4. For an incredible 11-day stretch in 2006, every single visitor was bald.
3. Hundreds of entries with no names, simply signed “another bucket of KFC drumsticks and Jim Beam.”
2. Compared with other Federal residences, a highly disproportionate number of visitors complained of point-blank birdshot wounds to the face.
1. Cheney regularly denied President Bush entrance unless he brought a no-bid contract for Halliburton, his own defibrillator, and promised to nuke Iran by 2008.
Read More: Dick Cheney, Naval Observatory, visitor logs
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June 1st, 2007 at 6:18 am
You forgot Ken Lay.
June 1st, 2007 at 6:35 am
Dohhhh….and Osama bin Laden, too. And Abramoff…
June 1st, 2007 at 7:23 am
LOL
June 1st, 2007 at 7:26 am
Oh, you guys… Ken Lay was one of the bald guys, Abramoff escorts the “hookers, hookers, and more hookers” and Cheney and Bin Laden have had notorious bourbon and drumstick nights for years. Understandably, OBL never signs his name.
June 1st, 2007 at 7:28 am
Truthfully, fried chicken and Jim Beam sounds like a fun way to pass the night.
June 1st, 2007 at 8:53 am
Question: Why did bush and his old geezer friends hire all those young staffers?
Answer: Because they knew they would be bringing around lots of young girls.
likkor, chicken and chicks…a renewable resource.
June 1st, 2007 at 12:32 pm
I’ve never had KFC and Jim Beam together (I’m more of a Jack Daniels person, living under 50 miles from Lynchburg, where they’re making it right now…) but they DO sound good together. Eighteen original spices and bourbon whiskey.
Actually, once in Lynchburg at the world-famous Miss Mary Bobo’s, I had fried chicken with some baked apples in a sauce that must have been about 40 proof. And as far as that chicken and liquor went, they were very good together! That particular day, town hero and football Hall-of-Famer Johnny Majors was in town, and he sat at the same big table. What a meal. Jeez…I’m getting hungry again…
June 2nd, 2007 at 8:43 am
Food, sex and alcohol, this is beginning to sound more like the nightly news, then serious dialog.