Bush Vetoes, Vito Corleone Translates
PRESIDENT BUSH: Good evening. Twelve weeks ago, I asked the Congress to pass an emergency war spending bill that would provide our brave men and women in uniform with the funds and flexibility they need.
Instead, members of the House and the Senate passed a bill that substitutes the opinions of politicians for the judgment of our military commanders.
So a few minutes ago, I vetoed this bill.
VITO CORLEONE TRANSLATES: We’ve known each other many years. But let’s be frank: if you were my friends, you would have done this one thing for me.
I asked for an “emergency” bill so your undistinguished brains would know to give me what I want. And I fired the deplorable generals who didn’t see war my way. I’ll have your asses, too.
I veto your sad and good-for-nothing bill.
PRESIDENT BUSH: Tonight I will explain the reasons for this veto — and my desire to work with Congress to resolve this matter as quickly as possible. We can begin tomorrow with a bipartisan meeting with the congressional leaders here at the White House.
VITO CORLEONE TRANSLATES: Listen to me. I’ll tell you why you’re mistaken and you’ll see it my way, and quickly. Then you’ll come to my house tomorrow for dinner. I won’t take no for an answer.
PRESIDENT BUSH: Here is why the bill Congress passed is unacceptable. First, the bill would mandate a rigid and artificial deadline for American troops to begin withdrawing from Iraq. That withdrawal could start as early as July 1st. And it would have to start no later than October 1st, regardless of the situation on the ground.
VITO CORLEONE TRANSLATES: Congress is filled with the excrement of a large sun-baked mutant swine corpse. There will be no withdrawal, even should GI boots fill with blood, because my car must fill with oil, and I’m the one who’s going to set the price at the pump.
PRESIDENT BUSH: It makes no sense to tell the enemy when you plan to start withdrawing. All the terrorists would have to do is mark their calendars and gather their strength — and begin plotting how to overthrow the government and take control of the country of Iraq. I believe setting a deadline for withdrawal would demoralize the Iraqi people, would encourage killers across the broader Middle East, and send a signal that America will not keep its commitments. Setting a deadline for withdrawal is setting a date for failure — and that would be irresponsible.
VITO CORLEONE TRANSLATES: It makes no sense to tell the enemy when you plan to withdraw, because the enemy would wait and destroy us, just like they are already destroying us. This would demoralize the Iraqi people, just like it’s already demoralizing the Iraqi people. Setting a deadline is setting a date for failure, just like we’re already failing. And there you go: even I don’t make sense sometimes.
PRESIDENT BUSH: Second, the bill would impose impossiblah blah blah blah blah blah blah commanders on the ground blah blah blah engage the enemy blah blah blah prescription for chaos and confusion blah blah blah support the troops.
VITO CORLEONE TRANSLATES: We don’t lie, we don’t torture, and we’re not murderers, despite what the undertakers say.
PRESIDENT BUSH: Third, America loves Laura. Heck, I love Laura. Laura is the better thing what ever happened to me. I don’t believe that I might be able to imagine ever feeling mad for Condi. Condi and I take trips together, hang out at the ranch…she plays the piano well. I’d give anything to watch her pout and say “mushroom cloud” one more time, wouldn’t you, Laura?
VITO CORLEONE TRANSLATES: My brain…it takes a vacation sometimes…but the Democratic leaders know that Congress is in bed with the Military Industrial Complex. You don’t got the votes to veto. You had your little anti-war joke. I get the message. Now, it’s time to put politics behind us and show me your respect, because your enemies are mine, and I’ll make your grandchildrens’ children rich. Relax, enjoy. It’s an offer you can’t refuse.
PRESIDENT BUSH: Troops, new strategy, new commander, making progress, upholding the rule of law, and fighting extremists and radicals and killers in this neverending war on terror. Iraq is, in fact, the central front of all al Qaeda’s global campaign.
VITO CORLEONE TRANSLATES: Forty thousand traffic deaths a year. Forty thousand. Americans still wake up everyday. They drive to work without so much as blinking. That’s brave. They can’t be scared of two-bit al Qaeda terrorists. Now, I can’t listen to this two-bit spoiled-rotten goofball from Texas anymore. God bless the troops. God help the USA.
Read More: Bush, Iraq War, veto, al Qaeda, Vito Corleone
Related Articles
