The Michelle Malkin Manifesto

Michelle MalkinMichelle Malkin recently posted what she calls her John Doe Manifesto. She encourages you to share it with everybody in the world, because, like, chain mail is cool, and you’re an unpatriotic freethinking hell-bound anti-war pacifist if you don’t. Hey—this is no time to be cautious. It’s apparently time to be a scaremongering alarmist bigot drama queen.

Malkin begins her manifesto addressing “Muslim Terrorist Plotter / Planner / Funder / Enabler / Apologist,” which, when you track dollars paid at the pump back through oil’s Middle East corporate sources, includes almost everybody except the Pope (who doesn’t pay for gas) and Timothy McVeigh (he was a NON-Muslim terrorist plotter. Non-Muslim terrorists are okay by Michelle.)

Malkin tells us that she’ll never forget the heroes of 9/11 (for all you first graders…9/11 was a pretty-much proven false flag operation that happened before you were born. It may be why the parent you miss dearly is in another country dodging IEDs and dreading Walter Reed, instead of being home and raising the next great generation of Americans.)

More Malkin: “I will protest your Jew-hating, America-bashing scholars. I will petition against your hate-mongering mosque leaders.” (I’d like to personally add Muslim-hating, Constitution-bashing, passive-aggressive firebrands to that list.)

Michelle also says she’ll challenge “attempts to indoctrinate my children in our schools.” (I think what she’s trying to say is that she’s against public prayer and lesson plans that contain Intelligent Design? Good for her!)

“I will combat your violent propaganda on the Internet.” (Oohhhhhhhh…she doesn’t like White House spokespersons, either…)

“I will support law enforcement initiatives to spy on your operatives, cut off your funding, and disrupt your murderous conspiracies.” (Tell you what, that girl HATES the CIA.)

She goes on to say that she won’t be censored in the name of tolerance, and she won’t be “cowed.”

No need to worry. The 1st Amendment’s got both our backs. “Moo.”

[tags]Michelle Malkin, John Doe Manifesto[/tags]

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10 Responses to The Michelle Malkin Manifesto

  1. Lynne says:

    LOL, I love it. Glad you are on “our” side! We are not only right but have a far better sense of humor!

  2. La Sirena says:

    “My name is Michelle Malkin and I am a pre-programmed xenophobe.”

    Very funny, Joe.

  3. Xman says:

    I have so many things running through my mind….tumbling over each other on the way out…

    Is it possible I saw her topless on Jerry Springer chasing a tubby toothless man around the stage?

    She reminds me of a possibly rabid, old bobcat I saw snarling and spitting in a cage at a rundown roadside attraction in Kentucky once.

    I only rated a similarity to Freud at 1% in your survey, but I’ll make a stab anyway:
    1. She’s a Grandaughter of Diem and came over in a refugee boat.
    2. Parent’s both had to work so she was caged in a playpen in front of the TV tuned to Fox for 12 – 16 hours a day.
    3. And then…something about over compensating for perceived genetic shortcomings (learned on Fox) and trying to earn her way to political respectability.

    In anycase, Fox is missing a bet if they don’t feature her and Coulter in a mud wrestling contest.

  4. JoeC says:

    La Sirena: Xenophobe…THAT’S IT! You know, I didn’t know what that word meant…took hearing it 7 times for me to finally look it up…I’ll be using that word a lot, because it describes so many people I know!

    Xman, xman, xman…and I was worried that my post had crossed the line of good taste, but I see that you guys aren’t really worried about good taste :-) IF I happen to miss the announcement, alert me if Fox comes through on arranging the Malkin/Coulter mudbath bout. It’s not a bad idea, because it’ll get ratings, and as long as they have ratings, they might convince Bush to postpone the next shock and awe, coming soon to Iran, I fear…

  5. Brent says:

    To heck with a mud wrestling match. Since violence is OK by Republican standards, lets have a weapons match in a cage. Heck put a couple of cheese cutters in there and before you know it , you’ll have 95% of the Republican Party tuning in to Faux News to see the carnage.

    Iran is up next and even the proposed wrestling match won’t stop it. I can’t imagine that it is just coincidence that two carrier groups are partaking in “Naval Exercises” where Iran has a front row seat. Of course for this administration, a truth can’t be told, so it is coincidence.

    Michelle Malkin is trying to rally the people that read her because she is slowly becoming inconsequential. You have Hush Bimbo, Sean Vanity, Glenda Beck, and others muscling their way in front of Malkin for the spotlight of Republicans and conservatives. She can’t go right because Michael Savage would savage her. Pun intended. If she goes left, she gets criticized from the people that are muscling her out right now. So, she is becoming a nobody and she is crying out for attention. Maybe a special with Dr. Phil would help…

  6. By Malkin’s calculus, America-bashing is almost identical to a an Oncologist who reveals to his patient the cancer he’s discovered. He shouldn’t do that. Bad Oncologist. Unamerican.

  7. JoeC says:

    Brent: great analysis of Malkin…and cheese cutters on Faux news, wouldn’t be surprised if it happens.

    Indigo: True words. Many American patriot forefathers were high on making constructive criticism easy to supply in this country, and now people like Michelle and Dubya want to push it aside. There IS one way Dubya could shut the critics up…all he has to do is LISTEN!

  8. If Malkin cut the cheese, how could you tell?

    By sound alone, I reckon, certainly not by the stench.

    Constructive discourse is impossible in the current dysfunctional paradigm.
    Good-faith bargaining requires honor and integrity, and, by way of it, argument sharpen ideas.

  9. sharpens, damnit, not sharpen. Or arguments…either way. Sheesh.

    Joe, you’ve got to get an edit feature. Or can we just request you make corrections? Would that work?

    Sorry, in advance, for all my mistakes.

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