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Toilets around the World

As the gap expands between wealthy and poor, between lefters and right-wing nuts, between radical Islamofascists and rabid Amway Christians, it’s time to remember one thing we all share. It’s time to focus on that which binds every person of every culture with every other human on the planet, integrating each one of us with a larger, united and harmonious living venture.

No, Luke, I’m not speaking of The Force. I’m talking about taking a dump.

Defecation: The Great Equalizer

Some call Samuel Colt’s revolver the great equalizer, but I say the great equalizer is defecation.

Even Dubya takes a dump. So does the Queen of England, and Bill Gates, too. In fits of synchronicity, some mornings they’ll often be dumping at the same time you are. So, the next time you defecate, don’t introspect the great divides; contemplate your equal footing with cultural icons, and remember: We all go, sometimes together!

Many Toilet Paths to Enlightenment

We all go, but the different fashions of voiding seem to have no end for our behinds.

The Squat Toilet

Squat toiletIn the West, almost everybody uses the sitting toilet, called the throne, because as noted above…taking a dump is the great equalizer that makes everbody king and queen. But, around the rest of the world the squat toilet is common.

The squat toilet is basically a hole in the ground. Squat toilets are cheaper to install, easier to clean, and use less water. They also assure that knees and hips get some regular exercise, helping maintain flexibility well into old age. But, they have the additional splatter problem, and if you’re wearing pantyhose it can be difficult operation.

The Spigot Top Toilet

Toilet top spigotJapan is clearly at the forefront of toilet technology, introducing many new innovations. One water-conserving design has a spigot on the top of a western-style flush toilet. After flushing, clean water runs through the spigot for handwashing, then on into the refill tank where it will be used for the next flush.

The Bidet Toilet

Bidet toiletThe Japanese have also combined the French bidet with the Western flush toilet to come up with: the bidet toilet.

The bidet toilet features a nozzle that comes out from beneath the seat and squirts water. This can really wake you up in the morning. It also cuts down on the toilet paper use.

I guess it boils down to whether you’re more a save-the-trees or conserve-water type of person. Bidet toilets, also called washlets, are currently installed in over half of Japanese homes.

The Japanese Super Toilet

Japanese Super Toilet Control PanelThe Japanese Super Toilet is the most advanced toilet in the world. In addition to the bidet feature mentioned above, the toilet has a control panel that allows the user to control every facet of its operation.

And what a list of operations! Blow dryer, seat heating, massage options, water jet power, water temperature, automatic lid opening, and auto flushing. While you’re on the Japanese Super Toilet, you are truly the king!

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7 Responses to “Toilets around the World”

  1. PETE says:

    After this post, I can no longer start a comment with, “your full of shit”.

  2. La Sirena says:

    Where did you find that Miller guy?

  3. Disco_Destroyer says:

    Lies how can a squat be cheaper than throne? You have to dig a bloody great hole!!

  4. JoeC says:

    Disco_Destroyer: Haha. I’ll admit I’m no expert on pricing world plumbing. However, with the interest you’ve shown, I would recommend furthering your studies with this excellent book:

    How to Shit Around the World: The Art of Staying Clean and Healthy While Traveling, by Dr. Jane Wilson-Howarth who has been called the world’s foremost expert on excretion.

    According to Dr. Jane:

    My technique when I’m teaching volunteers about to go abroad,” said the author of How to Shit Around the World from her UK office, “is that when you’re learning, you need to take everything off below your waist: socks, shoes, pants, underwear. Then squat over the toilet. Pour water over your bum, and with your left hand, just whittle away with your fingers and try to dislodge any lumpy bits while pouring water. And that’s actually not too unaesthetic, because any mess that goes onto your fingers comes off in the water.

    Yeah, I know…too much information…

    Thanks for dropping in Disco_Destroyer!

  5. john says:

    Have you seen a Biffy? Best bidet ever!! Check website:
    http://www.biffy.com

  6. JoeC says:

    Wow…now we know why the fall of Rome…they didn’t have Biffys! :-)

  7. [...] The AP report goes on to fill in the blanks, just in case the picture isn’t clear: People take pills. The medication passes through their bodies and into the sewers, maybe via one of these super-duper fancy toilets. It comes out the other end of the toilet as wastewater, which is a nicer word for the two things most often found in a diaper. [...]

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