Countries Bush Should Invade in 2007
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I’m tired of arguing against Global Imperialism. I’m jaded by the war against the war. I’m burnt-out from heeding a conscience in a boatful of Americans who seem perfectly happy ignoring their shame, and the plunging waterfall downstream.
What if the Project for the New American Century’s accessment is correct? Why not join the neocons? Why not secure the remaining global reserves of oil? Why not give every person in every nation a chance, if they so desire, to open a McDonald’s franchise of their own (there are only 99 countries with McDonald’s now)? |
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Like a depressed shopaholic flashing plastic credit in a discount mall, I’m feeling better already!
Quit Beating Around the Bush, President Bush
A surge isn’t enough. We need a draft. We need a BIG draft. Let’s start with ten-year-old BB gun owners with less than C grade averages.
Another puny $100-billion-a-year off-the-budget war supplement isn’t enough, either. B2 stealth bombers cost over $1 billion each. Let’s order 1000, and let’s put housewives on the assembly lines like the good old WWII days.
Let’s take the world. Call it Manifest Empire. Let’s be decisive, no holds barred, full speed ahead. Let’s get it done.
Bush needs to overthrow the following rulers immediately. Everybody benefits: they’ll get puppet democracy, we’ll get cheap resources, and the world will get a new Disney theme park!
Omar al-Bashir, Sudan
Omar al-Bashir became dictator of Sudan in a 1989 military coup that ousted the elected prime minister. Throughout his rule, he’s escalated a civil war raging between the Muslim north and the Christian south of Sudan.
| Al-Bashir has launched military attacks against the southern Christian rebels—attacks that tortured and raped women and children. The civil war has cost the lives of 1.5 million people, and left millions homeless, starved, and deprived of education and health care. |
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In 2003 the war in the south began to die down. But conflict broke out in Sudan’s western province of Darfur, where 3 groups of African Muslims (the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa) struck out against the governing Arab elite.
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Instead of sending his military to restore order, Omar al-Bashir financed Islamic militias (Janjaweed) which terrorized the Africans, destroyed their villages, destroyed food supplies, blocked international assistance, maimed the men, and systematically raped the women in order to weaken ethnic lines. |
Bush needs to invade immediately (Sudan has oil!) because the conflict in Darfur has already killed an estimated 400,000 people (Sudan has gold, too!) and created 2 million refugees (did I mention that Sudan has oil?!) We can’t stand by (OIL, I tell you!!!) and let this tragedy continue.
Seyed Ali Khamenei, Iran
Sure, President Ahmadinejad is the one who’s vowed to humiliate the U.S., but Iran is really run by the 12-man Guardian Council overseen by the Ayatollah Khamenei.
| It’s Khamenei who can disqualify candidates before they run for election. He can also veto any law the elected government passes. He’s shut down the free press, tortured journalists, and executed gay men. (He’s everything President Bush would like to be, but can’t…) |
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There’s also Iran’s troubling desire to enrich uranium for energy. While Iran has every right to enrich uranium, the U.S. doesn’t approve. Add the fact that it’s been over fifty years since the U.S. last overthrew Iran’s government, and you’ll see they’re due for a good spanking.
Ehud Olmert, Israel
Since 1949, the U.S. has given Israel $84,854,827,200 in aid. And what have we got in return?
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There’s a long history of Israel spying on the U.S., from Jonathan Pollard, who was caught selling top secret US intelligence to the Israelis in 1985, to the hundreds of Israeli spies discovered posing as art students around federal offices in 2001.
Also, let’s not forget the five Israelis arrested after seen dancing while filming the World Trade Center towers burning. |
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The list of United Nations resolutions critical of Israel is unmatched by any other nation. And recently, Olmert himself admitted that Israel is the only Middle East country with a nuclear weapon. So, what’s not to invade?
A Red, White, and Blue World
Maybe it’s true what PNAC says: American leadership is good both for America and for the world. So, let’s get going, Bushie. Start invading. This year, let’s make Manifest Empire really happen!
Read More: Bush, Sudan, Darfur, Bashir, Iran, Khamenei, Ahmadinejad, Israel, Olmert, war, empire
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Sweet, get the landing boats ready!
Holywriter: I’m putting my Gordon Gekko poster back up! Gekko said it so well: “Greed captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.” I think the international community was wrong about Antarctica and the Sea of Tranquility — they CAN be owned! Besides, we’re the USA. We ARE the international community. [Note to strangers...this comment IS dripping with sarcasm...]
Can we please go to Columbia? We have spent many dollars on the War on Drugs, but we just can’t seem to win. So if our Federal Government takes control of Columbia, they can ration out the drugs, forcing prices higher, and help with our Federal Deficit. That solves two problems at once. The government would be our Drug Kingpin and we eliminate our debt. Who says that bigger government is a bad thing?
Brent: Thinking about the “sin” tax the government could levy on cocaine is already making my deficit-hatin’ wallet sweat! After the deficit is erased, and the cocaine tax is earmarked for education, the kids in South Central LA will be the most promising next-generation brain pool in the country….they’ll have laptop computers and 1:3 teacher-pupil ratios. But the secret Fed bankers are going to be pissed missing out on all that deficit interest we’re handing them evey year.
Joe: Don’t worry about the secret Fed bankers and their missing out on all that deficit interest. They’ll just have to buy Mexico and get their profits from capitalism. You know, make a pair of jeans for $4 and sell them with the right label for $250. Pretty soon, they’ll wonder why they didn’t do it sooner.