Bush on the Fence
THE PRESIDENT: Early today, in the Roosevelt Room, I signed the Secure Fence Act of 2006. Now it looks like everybody and their sister done gone bonkers. The people gotta don’t understand what a great moment in immigrationage legislationage this are.
This Fence Act am gonna protect the American People. It gonna secure the taco border. It gonna protect our precious children from unintelligihensible Spanish prayer in their no-leftwing, behind classrooms. So, it does surprise me why folks oppose this wall, why folks want to side with the terrorists.
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Here’s what you ignorant blue-state people gotta understand: this wall gonna create a gazillion jobs. It’s called tourism, which is an industry which makes people spend money that other people get, and makes the economy grow.
Look at China. When people go to China, they go to see the wall. I know, because Laura and I went and that’s the first place President Jiang-a-ranga-dang Zemin showed off. The Chinese is proud of that wall. We’re gonna be proud of ours, too. |
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And in Jerusalem, everybody visits the Wailing Wall. People come from all over the world, and put on little party hats—me, too—and they even kiss their wall, if you can believe that. Who knows, maybe Foley should switch to kissing walls, too. |
| Anyway, so many tourists were coming to the Wailing Wall that you know what Israel did? They built another wall, taller and better, on the West Bank. And because we’re the only superpower we could build one taller than theirs, if you’ll approve the no-bid contract with Halliburton. |
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Even right here in Washington, the Vietnam Memorial Wall is one of our nation’s biggest attractions. At first, some people opposed that wall. Some people thought it was too long with too many names. But now, the tourists get so crowded, everyone knows we should have put twice as many names on it. Somebody once said hindsight is 20/20. |
| Berlin used to have their wall, too. You can see in this old picture how those Berliners loved to paint it up, but what some people didn’t realize is that the big desert-looking area on the other side? It was called the Death Strip! Cool, huh? |
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Now, I would never tell congress what to do, but perhaps we could have an American Death Strip of our own? Maybe the Death Strip could be on our side of the taco wall, and it could double as a rifle range for the NRA enthusiastics, creating more jobs, making the economy grow.
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Another of my favorite walls is the Lennon Wall. It’s in the Czech Republic. In 1980 when John Lennon (who was a Beatle, but apparently not as kevlar as President Reagan…) bought the farm, some kids in Prague painted pictures and song lyrics on a garden wall in a 14th century churchyard. |
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Not even the threat of prison could stop those kids, because they wanted to be free! Like us!
But in America, we’re already free, so don’t break out the crayons, or we’ll put your family on the no-fly list and extraordinarily rendition you to Jordan where they’ll waterboard you till the cows come home. |
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But it does show you how much people love walls, and I think you’re gonna like ours, too. Let’s start pouring the cement tomorrow!
Goodnight, and God Bless America.
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October 27th, 2006 at 10:08 am
Thank you so much for enlightening us all to the ulterior motives (as if there weren’t enough already) of this Administration.
We can only hope that this fence becomes a wall so we can at least “decorate” it with our graffiti and truly make it a work of art.
Marisa
Latina Lista
October 27th, 2006 at 4:34 pm
Cool! Just another way to show our neighbors how much we love them.
October 27th, 2006 at 9:53 pm
Oh my God! My side hurts from laughing.
October 28th, 2006 at 3:33 am
our great leader is a truly brilliant man, but why stop at one wall? i say put walls along both borders and coasts. then when those four walls are up we could put a huge roof over the whole thing and turn it into a wal-mart.